13th issue, December 1997/January 1998

	EDITORIAL Dear citizens and readers, Ladonia is moving on. We are at the moment more than 2900 citizens. Many of our newcomers have arrived from Hungary and Norway. In the homeland Ladonia it is dark and wet. The constructions in Nimis are in good shape. The part that was burnt down is rebuild and so is the Tower of the Winds which fell in a storm in April. In this issue you will be able to follow our struggles on many frontiers. Right now we can say that we feel secure. Our ministers and ambassadors are doing a great job keeping the country in development. Our honourable leaders, Her Majesty the Queen Ywonne I and Mr President Fernando have soon to our great satisfaction bee governing Ladonia during one year since the election.
	DEBACLE IN NEW ZEALAND There were great plans of setting up a new part of Ladonia in the area of New Zealand. The enthusiasm in the cabinet concerning mr xy (he might have a double identity) were overwhelming. We almost got New Ladonia. But there was an unknown flaw in the plan and now we don't know wether mr xy was doublecrossing or not, being a national hero or a man with a criminal record. Due to these facts, and we will give more information when we know more about it, we will continue to conquer a part of the other side of the earth. Allhands for the New Zealand project! Lord Sig Whig found the poetic of the intermezzo: "We finally got our first suspect, our first virtual impostor, our first potential Ladonian con man, a virtual derelict, maybe even a real criminal. What do we know! This is just the moment to exclaim an excited Waaaaaaaaaaaaal ! How do we handle our first alleged criminal case? Brute force or by a meek reference to the laws? Where's our detention? Do we have a jail?! Draconic or with justice? Should the suspect be given the chance of explaining himself without framing Glenn Turner (how dares he give out his em@il?)? How to tell him that he is wanted by the Ladonian Police Dpt?! Is this allegation in some way substantiated, citizen Glenn? In what way has he violated the laws of NZ and Oz? Made faces on a cop? Thrown a button to a blind musician? Stolen the white stick of a blind or what? Spat on the curbs of Dunedin? We need to know more before waking up our pedestrial patroling Wotan City corps, a grand corpus half asleep a bit down the bar here at our pub: Chez Le Screemin Bass, Wotan s-sh-sschitty, Lord-hic-Sigwhig-brrrp. Capo di tutti capi del Ministerio della Pigrezza."	Up
	FLYING EMBASSY The story of the embassy in Falkenberg ought to be wellknown. After the destruction of it by the Falkenberg community, the owner, minister of history, Count Torby, has forced the community to pay for the damage. They have accepted to do so, and this part of the matter is thus settled. The Embassy is still to be seen, quite surprisingly, it has left the ground and can be seen flying around in time and space. This is Ladonia's moveable colony, making its strange moves all over the world, its crew always ready to deliver the message of Ladonian eonatic freedom. Watch out, here they'll come! Flying Embassy Reports	Up
	A HYMN IN HONOUR OF LADONIA The world famous composer Ralph Lundsten has become a honourable citizen of Ladonia. He has dedicated a certain piece of music for Ladonia. The piece is to be found in the CD "In Time and Space" and is called "Song from Beyond". This was an initiative from the custodian office.	Up
	POLITICS & CABINET Happy X-mas all Ladonians! As a Christmas present to you all, The Ministry of Hunting and Game Preservation now is introducing the Hunting Exam. The adress is: http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/8433/exam.html All modern countries has a hunting exam, now also Ladonia. If you wonder over the reasons to have a hunting exam, the ansvers is: To give the hunters a good education, create a ground for a better game preservation and increase the public confidence in hunters. And of course you don´t have to be a hunter to take the exam, you can do it just to test your knowledge in game and environmental questions. The ministry you can find at: http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/8433/ministry.html We are sharing the office with GAME The Wildlife Ministration at: http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/8433/ Happy Hunting Lars Vipsjö Minister of Game and Hunting Preservation	Up
	GETTING TO KNOW YOUR MINISTERS (SUITCASE IN THE TREE) This is a beginning of a new series, portraits of Ladonian ministers. Some of them you'll probably already know if you are a reader of Herald, like our minister of internet Anders Löwdin with his strong veins, minister of idleness Lord Sig Whig, "stand tall do less", minister of sophistry Horatius, always destroying to happy dreams "killjoy" etc. You will meet them all here in small sketches of there salient feature. The minister of literature, David Stansvik, is now and then proclaiming that he is active. And he certainly is, publishing books in his publishing house Nya Doxa. In his younger days he went to Bergen in Norway to make a research for a study in ethnology. Some of his collegues met him with a car, but before going away with them, he had to put his big suitcase at a safe place. Mr Stansvik climbed a tree and hid his suitcase among the branches, then quickly returning to his somewhat astonished friends to join them in further scientific work. Mr Stansvik hasn't demanded any copyright on this excellent idea so you are free to use it whenever you feel the need for a cheap and creative way of handling your travel equipment. Not matter that story behind the suitcase implies transgression, danger and divine intimidation. What you see is fright...	Up
	HOME SURGERY - A PROJECT BY THE MINISTER OF BRAIN The minister of brain, Tiit Mathiesen, has found a new strong interest: Roses. If you know anything about rare roses, write him immediately. But he is not forgetting his duties and as the humble surgeon he is, he has brought up a new idea: "The ministry of brain laudates the moves to encourage home birth. We will launch a campaign for a similar activity in our field: we would like all Ladonians to be able to do some "do it yourself - brain surgery". The brain is a very natural thing, and there is usually no need to "go over the the river to fetch water" as the proverbial truth tells."	Up
	LORD ASLAK MOVING INTO THE GLACIER A wellknown profile in the ladonian cabinet, minister of propaganda, Lord Aslak, has moved into the glacier, leaving his duties "for some time". It is a great loss and we all hope he will return after analyzing the situation. He means that "Ladonia was better in the old days, which should be understood as the first half of 1997 - times go quickly by in Ladonia. We do understand him: it is not possible to hold back modern times and developement.	Up
	JAZZ-DAY Remember that the 23d of December is the day of the ministry of jazz. As a coincidence it is also a very special day for our minister of jazz, Margareta Granvik. And don't forget to book the jazz and music day already now: last Sunday in July - in Ladonia.	Up
	A MEETING IN LADONIA ON NEW YEARS EVE Count Andras has suggested that we should meet in Ladonia on New Years Eve. Everyone is welcome, but it might meen some problems as expressed by Thomas Diestel, minister of accomodation: "Regarding Count Andras suggestion for a meeting somewhere in Ladonia on New Years Eve, I assure all of you there will be no problems whatsoever to tighten hammocks inside Nimis and on the Ladonian trees. The main problem is, who is freewillingly going to spend the night in Ladonia at this time of the year? Beeing the minister of accommodations, I cannot swear my way out from complaints from not satisfied guests. I think it's better to either meet on the Net, or during the daytime in Ladonia on New Years Eve, or even better postpone the New Years Eve meeting to Midsummers Eve! I wish all of you the very best for the Christmas shopping, don't forget the secretary of state on your shopping lists!" (The secretary of state would like to underline the last sentence)	Up
	OFFICE OF FOREIGN SERVICE Our new minister John Parman (above) is running the office of foreign service, an extensive project on communication. He has opened a homepage for this service and welcomes ladonians to join the office. Mr Parmans e-mail is: JParman@aol.com His website is to be found at: http://www.yikes.com/~jparman	Up
	SEX IN LADONIA The subject was brought about by minister and state graphic Vera Porad. Minister Horatius made this comment: "However, on a deeper level I really think Ladonia needs sex." That's it, on a deeper level we need it. And we have made our preliminaries. There will soon be sex available.	///// /// @ /@ > \__~ / |xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx/^s^s (\ \)x(~)xxxxxxxxxxxx/^ss @ | \ \x//xxxxxxxxxxxxx/^s@ > | \ \//xxxxx ____________/^ss\__0 | \_/xxxxx/ __ ______\s/ / | /@xxx( # / ______)s ( |//xxxxx\ \/ / (_) \ ()xxxxxxx\ \O/ ` \ \xxxxxxxx ) ) ) )xxxxxxxx/ / / /xxxxxxx( / | |xxxxxxxxx/ / (_____>xxx(____>	Up
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	A NEW NATIONAL HYMN In a most excellent way Sir Håkan von Stenberg has composed and recorded a new national hymn for Ladonia. Filled with grace and eonatic substans this heavenly piece of music will go right into the heart of everyone listening to it. We can just congratulate the genius of Sir Håkan. It will be played in Ladonia on our national day (2nd of June). Sir Håkan is certainly showing his poetic abilities in the serene verse: Ladonia, Ladonia, we hail you ancient shore where fishermen for centuries have sailed the stormy sea. Ladonia, Ladonia, You're standing tall and free No nation could be prouder no man could ask for more... (to be continued)	Up
	ORDER OF KNIGHTHOOD Ladonia needs a order of knighthood. Our nobility is a strong group and the very shield of our defense. The discussion in this matter has been going on lately between Sir Randal Bundy and head of state office Sir Nemolon. I quote the letters on the subject: My name is Randal Bundy and I am from Northern Kentucky in the USA and I too am very interested in seeing the establishment of an Order of Knighthood for Ladonia. Perhaps we could join forces and merge some of our ideas and make it really happen. I am a very extensive knowledge of the history of European Knights > of the Middle ages and during the crusades. I also am a Free-mason and a member of the Masonic Organization of Knight Templars, perhaps this might be of assistance. Write back please, I'd love to work with you on this. Randal MacNiall Bundy templar@one.net	Up
	**************************** That would be nice. I´m from The town of Bergen, Norway in Europe myself. I´ve got some interest in medieval times, chivalry and heraldics, but I´m just an amateur. My idea of the knights of Ladonia is that > it needs to be modern. I´m not religious, but I´d like to maintain > some kind of ritual, cause I like rituals, and the best would be if the rituals even meant something. On the side of this I´ve got few concrete ideas of it. We should probably contact Comte Patrice De Jabet or whatever his name was, who first had the idea of knights in Ladonia. He were going to work on the project, but I´ve heard nothing more of it. That is why I posted my message on the discussion table. If we hear nothing from him I´d feel free to start on the creation of the order. Off course there´s nothing wrong with several orders in the country either. Sir Nemolom Trond Ivar Hansen, Earl of wanderers, Head secretary of the special state office of nomads.	Up
	**************************** MY Dear Sir Nemolom Trond Ivar Hansen; Thank you for your timely reply to my e-mail from yesterday. I am very glad that you are closer to Ladonia than I am. Due to my business schedual and sometimes economics it may be difficult for me to travel to Ladonia for may 6 months or so. I also agree that the Order needs to be modern. I also feel that it should be one that is "taken serious". For I believe that if we potition the Queen and the President that we will obtain the official santion of the Ladonian Government. I think that since you and I have established contact and if we locate the person whom you had mention that this will be threefounding members. I fave other persons here who are also Knights Templars who are waiting to receive there citizensip of Ladonia who would also be interested in participating. Regarding religion, Like you I am not really all that religious. I do believe in God, a supreme being, but I have no conflict with any one who would want to refer to the supreme being as God, Alah, Jehova, Krishna, Supreme Arcitect, Great Spirit or whatever name the feel happy to refer to him as. In the Free-Mason and Knights Templar organizations we uphold the view that "man has the devine right to worship God as he chooses as long as it does not denigh another the same right. So therefore a Muslime, Jew, Catholic, Protistine or anyone else can be a Free-Mason. The only requirement is that he believe in GOD. Like you I believe that the rituals are very important and very beatiful. I have gone through the Knights Templars initiation and participated in the rituals and it ie something that a Knight will never forget. I was dubed a Knight with a sword which was presented to me and that I now have on display in my living room. I will have to send you a picture of it. The old pre-crusade rituals of knighthood involved the presentation of the sword. I will try to obtain as much historical information > as possible and will forward it to you. I will also draw up my design for the initiation and will forward it to you and I will design it along the same Knights Templar ritual which I went through which is about 800 years old I have been told. The participation of the Queen will be very important, for official sanction and the actual founding should be on the soil of Lodonia. This will be hard financially but I do believe it can be done. There should be plenty of publicity and the newspapers and television should be invited. In the old days during the crusades a order of Knights pledged themselves to a King, Queen, Duke or who ever and I believe that we could pledge our service, to the Queen and to Ladonia in general. To protect and preserve Ladonia. To promote the Arts, Sciences, and the general well being of all the citizens of Ladonia and to help bring attention and focuss of the world upon Ladonia and it's people. Our work is ahead of us and it is truely a noble task. I will send you further ideas and as always I am your fraternally Sir Randal MacNiall Bundy Chevelier d'Elstow templar@one.net	Up
	AND WHAT IS LADONIA? Ambassador Lars von Rosell has sent us some thoughts about our country from Dayton, Pennsylvania: "I must say that I find the ongoing discussion about New Ladonia very intresting. Do I detect some fear of progress from some members of the cabinet? Silly me, I thought that was what Ladonia was all about. Progress, bending the rules, looking beyond the horizon. And beyond some short noses. I think it's time for some people to start thinking about what Ladonia really is, and is not. Ladonia to ME is the beatiful slopes of Kullaberg, the magnificent structures of Nimis and Arx. But it's also the "non-visble" and still very present society living in the complex network we call Internet. That's where it really exists, and Internet my friends, is very global and knows no borderrs or limits...."	Up
	MISCALLENOUS NEWS & GOSSIP CLOTHES IN LADONIA Görel, the priestess has sent an open letter to the minister of handicraft, hoping that she soon will design the winter's clothing: "Dear minister of Handicraft! Not being a permanent resident in Ladonia, I am forced to put up with the uncontrolled wheather in Sweden *they really should install a Ministry of All Winds, dont you think?*. As it is now 10 C degrees below zero here in Uppsala, my feet turn into icy ducklings. I would love to warm them in cozy traditional ladonian socks, and maybe even wrap my entire body in one of those travel suits suggested previously. Are there any on-going projects concerning this matters? Will the shattered Ladonians be warmed this season? warm huggies"	Up
	LADONIA SINKING? "In this weeks issue of "Land" (47/97), there is an article about how Skåne is sinking. It is explained that the southern parts of Sweden is sinking while the nothern parts rises, due to the preassure of former glaciers. It is also proven that the water level in southern Skåne rises with 1 mm every year. How do we handle this? Worried Waaaaals, Görel the Priestess" Ladonia rests on primary rock and I should be a monster of stability. But we have for sure started measuring the level of water on the shore.	Up
	SLEEP PARTY Thomas Aune has come up with a brilliant idea on a new political party: I will have the honour to be the president of The Ladonian More Sleep Party, a political party for all those who feel that one of the best things in life is sleeping. Our primary goal is to ensure that Ladonia will not fall into the same trap as every other state in the world: giving each day only 24 hours. We will to everything in our power to ensure that another two hours will be given to each day, and that these two hours will be placed directly after midnight, so that each Ladonian citizen will be given the oppurtunity to sleep two hours more every night. This is, as mentioned, our main goal. However, we will also fight for for each worker to sleep a maximum of three hours each week, during working hours. This will secure that each worker is a more efficient one, which again leads to more income, allowing companies to hire more people, and the fact that it will produce more wageearners will lead to more income for the private companies, which in its turn leads to a higher BNP, and we will enter a socalled "good circle of capitalistic economy". More people will be getting jobs, and the differences between people s living standards will decrease. A full presentation of the party s porogram will be presented in short time. email: aunetho@hotmail.com	Up
	A NEW LADONIAN LANGUAGE? Joacim Von Barkström, Baron, came up with a suggestion on a new ladonian language: "My deepest gratitude for your (Ladonia)existence, before i felt lost in a world of fools and i was the only sain human being in this country. Further more i want to take the oppportunity proclaim our new Languages Name: Alpha Barkus! Hopefully will this be as living language as Latin is, or maybe more... " email: uvdkim@datortek.educ.goteborg.se	Up
	CHESS The ongoing game between custodian and baron Johan and minister of chess Öyvind Grotmol didn't finish after one move. But it is played extermely slow and after a few months they have arrived at: 1.e4 e5 2.Sf3 Sc6 3.d4 exd4 4.Lc4 Lc5 5.c3 De7 6.?	Up
	CHRISTMAS READING MINGUS III: BORDER AND A STORY WITH A REFRIGERATOR AS A TURNING POINT Mingus III Zingo, pastor primarius: Time to pay the tax I suppose, since it is almost a full (normal) year since I became a citizen of Ladonia. Well, my contribution is a suggestion on what to do with the Ladonian border. All around the world, new countries, which also means new borders are being proclaimed, and people even seem to believe in that those borders are actually there. Sometimes these borders are marked by physical objects, like walls, barbed wire, landmines etc. In western Europe, in the great discordian experiment EU, the inner borders are mainly emphasized by a complete inability to agree on anything at all. To show an alternative to this border-reinforcing trend I simply suggest that we cut up the Ladonian border in a lot of small pieces (about 5-50 meters long would be nice) so that every Ladonian can take a piece of the border and put it in some place where a lot of people go, for example in the main square of a big city or across a highway) In this way a lot of people all over the world will get to enjoy the mindwarping experience of crossing the border to Ladonia. Of course, most of the will never know what happened to them, but the effect should nonetheless be obvious... För de som förstår svenska bidrar jag dessutom med en självbiografisk historia från tiden just före min initiering som discordian. Denna händelse tilldrog sig för åtskilliga år sedan, någon gång mellan nutid och den stora Stäpphöneinvasionen. Vår huvudperson hade experimenterat med div. toxiska fluidum, och befann sig så en natt dansande runt, endast iklädd en svensk flagga, sjungade obscena sånger. Troligtvis till följd av detta gick han alltför tidigt påföljande morgon längs en grusväg en bit utanför stan, bärandes på en halvfull flaska salt Beyaz och en vissen svartrot. Plötsligt virvlade damm upp i hans ögon och han blev för ett ögonblick förblindad. När synen återvände såg han en vacker kvinna i obestämbar ålder stå framför honom. Hon var invirad i något slags mångfärgat skynke, med håret i oordning och såg en aning förvirrad ut, ungefär som om hon plötsligt slitits upp ur sängen, utan att få tid till sitt morgonte och den obligatoriska halvtimmen framför badrumsspegeln. Efter att de stått och blängt på varandra ett bra tag, tog kvinnan tillslut till orda: -Öh, du, känner du till Vägen till upplysning? -Du menar inte vägen till Upplands-väsby, frågade han tvekande. -Det spelar nog ingen större roll, svarade hon. -Tja, sa han tvekande, ser du lyftkranen där borta, bredvid kullen, med skorstenarna där bakom? -Ja. -Ja, ditåt är det då inte. -Åh, tack då, sa hon och försvann plötsligt i ett regn av billiga paljetter. På något vis övergick även denna morgon i dag och mannen tog sig till slut hem och brydde sig inte mycket mer om sina hallucinationer. Epilog: Här skulle denna föga sedelärande historia tagit slut, om det inte varit för att vår hjälte några månader senare helt oförhappandes träffats av ett kylskåp i huvudet och svimmat av. När han vaknade upp igen konverterade han med omedelbar verkan till discordianismen. De omnibus es dubitandum Aftermath 38, the year of our Lady of Discord 3163 PPM3Z -- -- email: gnu_s@hotmail.com	Up
	AT THE END OF THE DAY A word from the Minister of Health. Our minister of health is challenging his colleague the minister of chance by presenting the astonishing theory of the Attractor. Chance is not, the Attractor is... "Several nights I have been visited by an Attractor. It seemed to be a rather androgynous creature, somewhat reminiscent of ancient Greek marble faces, just like the one I fell in love with back in 1966 when as a teenager I visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art in Hell, or in New York. Later I have learnt that Hell can be found as well downtown Chicago, not to speak of the suburbs, and probably in many other places as well where I have never ventured to travel. Uncountable people marching in totally synchronized fashions, left foot - right foot, very low entropy, and the rest living in shacks, much higher entropy. In our neighboring country Sweden Hell is not believed to exist at all. Everybody has television and conforming views. Few people listen to the vicars, no matter whether they are men or women, and the collective need of Super-Ego-Punishment is taken care of by Traffic Law, crouching police in the bushes when you least expect it. In Italy they still have Confession Cabins in the churches. Sometimes the good old world seems better, if you need to attend a Super- Ego rest room it is your own free choice. Here the Good Shephards of the people are crouching in the bushes, especially if the weather is nice, and you get reprimanded like more at random, irrespective of whether your wish to visit the confession cabinet or not - "Yes I have sinned, I have followed my inadequate human nature" ....and been speeding a little, or maybe even had a beer before sitting down behind the wheel, and not to speak of all the Quality Assurance Craze going on everywhere, the new Inquisition Agents Auditing your morals and having you describe all you are going to do which would make sense only if the world were truly Newtonian, deterministic, and consiting of gracefully curved trajectories, all being defined in the Magic Initial Point at the Beginning of Time. Unfortunately, such a point can never be found, between 2 points there always is possible to fathom yet another point, since, quite simply: a point merely does not exist. A dot exists. But not a point. And the only truly graceful curves I can think of are the lines cast by the relief in space of the hips of - my wife - when I am in a corresponding mood. Marble. Possibly Roman copy. I don´t remember anymore. The Attractor lives where there are no points, no trajectories in the simple sense. We all know about the Great New God Chaos. His angels are Attrractors. These Attractors are helping hands in the Universe. In conditions of chaos (that is: always) psychokinesis is possible. But the more chaotic and hypersensitive to minute fluctuations something is, the easier to do psychokinesis. Last Monday I invented a new game. The first game in history to use devices not in matter, but among forces of beyond, attractors. The game was named the Quantum Vacuum Ladonia Patria Game (or Qvlpg, for those many who love acronyms). Our former Governor of State, great professor Lars Vilks, was instructed to throw one of 5 dices, after he had announced an "odd" or "even" outcome. If correct, he was allowed to move his piece one step closer to the inner core of Ladonia (all drawn on the table), and if his positive attractor turned up - if he could announce a special affinity to a certain number - he was allowed to move two steps. Then if he noticed a negative attractor, he was allowed to put it into service as well, at the risk of a heavy fine should he miss its newly bought favours. We were both fascinated at the power we actually posessed. Unfortunately, I couldn´t really play the role of the polite host and let my guest win, since I had conceived the game, and done lots of previous dice experiments in the Department of Health investigating healing phenomena, probably I was simply better trained - so dear fellow Ladonians, and peoples all over the world - do train your psychic abilities! - and I wish you all a beautiful Autumn, and all you readers on the Southern Hemisphere, a beautiful Spring as well! Emanuel von Bock, Minister of Health.	Up

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CONTACT INFORMATION

You can send us e-mail or use the adress below.

Vera Porad, Executive Editor
Anders Löwdin, Minister of Internet
Lars Vilks, Secretary of State of Ladonia

Lars Vilks
Box 1
S-260 43 Arild
Sweden

© Copyright 1997 Lars Vilks and Arrive Inter Media
Created : 1997-12-23