Ladonia Herald 22

Ladonia Herald, 22nd issue, December/January 1998/99
22nd issue, December/January 1998/99

The State Dog Felix

In this issue we look back on an extremely successful year in Ladonia. We are now nearly 4 000 citizens, recognized by the Danish Government, condemned by the dito Swedish (but we won in court - again!) In this issue lots of Ladonians pay their tax - by creativity, of course. The State Dog Felix (to the right above) and his tutor Jens contributed by raising a pee-pole in Ladonia for all visiting dogs.

Managing Editor: Lars Vilks Executive Editor: Vera Porad
The editors are not responsible for unrequested material sent to Ladonia Herald. We reserve the right to edit any contribution, and we take no responsibility as for incorrect use of the language (except our own). For letters, graphic material, questions, feedback, texts etc please feel free to mail us.

STATE AFFAIRS

ANOTHER YEAR IN LADONIA

Soon the liberated Ladonia will be three years. Our population has grown to more than 3.800. And it has been a fantastic year, starting with the succes made by the ladonians in the winter olympic in Naganu in Japan. Ladonia sent our glacier minister to the games.

The Great Feast of Thuban started on the 28th of January at 8.15 and will continue for 46.604 years. If you missed it so far, and you have missed much, you can still try to use the reamining 46.603 years in a sublime state of feasting mood.

The Swedes tried to send the enforcement officer to remove our cities. As usually they failed. And even if the matter still is a courtcase, Ladonia strengthen her freedom.

Our Minister of Sophistry, Horatius, withdrew to start a new political party in Sweden. Always being a pain in the ass for the cabinet the loss was deeply regretted. But he might be back as he hasn't fully left Ladonia.

Ladonia got a Minister of Sex, Magnus Ask. Debating sex was popular in the cabinet and the great discussion called "Balls in?" went on for several weeks.

It was a great years for all hunters; the Minister of Hunting made hunting on moose, buffalo and lion free all year.

And we got our first eternal minister, Countess Madeleine from Wisconsin.

The danish minister of culture paid Ladonia an official visit, something that troubled the swedes. A visit was also made by the famous UARDA Academy. Some of the members started on the huge project in carving out a stone sfinx.

In science an uttermost important discovery was made. The smallest possible part of the human brain, the logomer, was divided into smaller parts through a research made by the Minister of Philosophical Fisherie. This minister claimed the award that was set up by the Minister of Brain. The Minister of Brain was not willing to pay the sum and this scientific quarrel is still going on.

13 Stamps was produced in Ladonia during this year and the postoffice had much to do.

It was another great year for Ladonia.

NOBILITY

Conte Pietro from Italy is one of the new noblemen in Ladonia, he confirms this:

"Hon.Lars Vilks,I have to-day received the Letter on Nobility for Conte

Pietro Confessore" pedross@iol.it

Another one is Marquis James. His ancestors were swedish nobilities:

"Most Hartmann's were GRAF (Counts) if Nobles. However, distant a relation perhaps, Hartmann renamed Adliga attn Von Hartmansdorff, nr 1861 Adlad 1683/ introd. 1743 by the King of Sweden. I have no idea what rank of Nobles that is. Since your nation is Swedish Baised my family is Line is from Northren Germany. Mattias Hartmann held North Germany forthe Crown. My question is what Noble Rank did he hold?"

If you know something of this please tell marquis James:

James Hartman jhartman@tsrcom.com

The marquis has just won a price on the web for his tremendous page on science. I recommend you to take a look:

http://www.homestead.com/Barondom/index.html

NEW MINISTER OF LANGUAGE

Aya Stehager has been appointed Minister of Language. If you understand swedish you can read her translation of i french novel at:

http://home1.2.sbbs.se/svenolov.stehager/bok.htm

aya_stehager@hotmail.com

MINISTER OF FOREIGN OFFICE

PARMAN'S TURKEYS

My grandfather, the great George Parman, was a chemist and used to sell tranquilizers to turkey farmers, they weren't for the farmers, they were for the birds. You see, during thunderstorms, the turkeys would get so crazy that without something to quiet them down they would have heart attacks. Which leads to the question what do you get when you put a thunderstorm and 1000 turkeys together? 1000 dead turkeys. The other funny thing about turkeys is that when it rains they look up at the sky, becuase of this they drown.

John Parman

John Parman can be seen in his working and cooking spaces at home.

John Parman can be seen in his working and cooking spaces at home.

MINISTER OF ENTREPENEUR

Minister Sandor from Hungary is celebrating the winter and Ladonia:

INVESTMENTS IN LADONIA

The interest for investing in Ladonia is upgoing. You can just read this letter to imagine what is going on. As I have to be strictly confidential I have excluded names and addresses in this letter:

"In my country XX I am financial and administrative manager of several private companies. Also I am financial advisor of some of most influent public persons and firms in XX. My observations working with them are that as reach the person or organization becomes as powerful and influent they are in our society.

The same picture I see in more global sense. What I mean is that different countries are as strong and powerful as there concrete wealth is. With country`s wealth, of course, walking the wealth and self-confidence of the nation and every single citizen.

I think a lot of Ladonia lately.

Is it possible this small kingdom some day to be wealth and powerful no matter of the size? The question is:

Do we Ladonians want power and wealth and how much of them?

Is it possible (lets imaging a little bit) Ladonia to be a reach country and every citizen to be proud and most important reach person I have a proposal - I can bring capitals to Ladonia. I have an idea which can deliver 10. m0 to 20. billion $ in one year. I have people ready to invest in this piece of land, to make it wanted even for leaving there. Its possible for me to bring also 1.5. m0 to 3. billion $ yearly."

GOTCHA!!! \ | / \\\ \ | | / // \\\ \\ // /// \\\ ####### /// \\## ##// -- ## ## -- -- ## Splatt!!! ## -- //## ##\\ // ### ### \\ /// ####### \\\ /// // \\ \\\ // / | | \ \\ / | \

Du har precis blivit träffad av en snöboll!
You have just been hit by a snowball
Årets första.
The first of this year
Detta är början av SnöBollsKrig 98/99...
It is just a beginning av the SnowBallWar 98/99

This contribution has come from the Minister of Propaganda, Lord Aslak. He is probably immobile and dead in the glacier where he went some time ago. But he is still producing and distrbuting interesting stuff. Ladonia can do well with an army of snowballers. It is also a cheap way of creating war and it is almost impossible to produce the snowballs in warfactories.

And more material distributed by Lord Aslak (swedish only):

"Under en presskonferens jämförde Bill Gates dataindustrin med bilindustrin och konstaterade att "om bilindustrin hade utvecklats isamma takt som dataindustrin skulle vi alla köra bilar som kostade 250kr och gick 100 mil/l.

General Motors ville inte vara sämre och konstaterade nyligen följande: Om Microsoft byggde bilar...

-Varje gång vägmarkeringarna målades om skulle alla bli tvugna att byta bilar.

-Med jämna mellanrum skulle bilen, utan någon påtaglig anledning, dö ute på motorvägen och man skulle bara acceptera det, starta om och köra vidare.

-Ibland skulle vissa manövrar få bilen att stanna och dö och du skulle bli tvungen att återinstallera motorn. Av någon underlig anledning skulle man acceptera även detta utan frågor.

-Endast en person skulle kunna befinna sig i bilen åt gången, förutsatt att du inte köpt "Bil 95" eller "Bil NT", men då skulle man bli tvungen att köpa flera säten.

- Apple skulle göra en bil som drevs av solljus, var pålitlig, fem gånger så snabb, två gångerså lätt att köra, men kunde bara färdas på 5% av vägarna.

-Nya säten skulle tvinga alla att ha samma storlek på ändan.

-Vid eventuell olycka skulle man få frågan: Vill du utlösa Airbag? J/N?

-Om du var inblandad i en olycka skulle ingen veta vad som hade hänt eller vems fel det var."

Lord Aslak is also meditating on some strange facts and concluding that it might be that the univers in itself is a practical joker. He gives this example:

"Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theatre named 'Kennedy'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln'.

Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

Both successors were names Johnson"

THE HOT DOG EMBASSY

Edane 5/12 1998

Report from the hot-dog embassyin Wemland; Sweden

A short report of the hot-dog embassy, who alive and The embassy has been on two perfomance, in october it was i Karlstad, and in december in Stockholm.

The ambassor handle over the embassy to an artist in Karlstad, the artist maked an royal dinner. He try to let it look like the queen and a king had dinner in hot- dog embassy, and the audition where standing out side watching. The exhibition where called "Reptil", and many artist where invited.

And in december the hot-dog embassy has gone undercover in to the head town Stockholm, it is participate in a show called Hans och Greta on Novilla, Skansen. It`s an exhibition with artists from Wermland who been working around the story by Bros. Grimm, togeheter with children. The hot- dog embassy are a store with pepparcookies, it is called "Suum cuique" as an award to all the citizens ot Ladonia.

>From the ambassdor

Janove Ekstedt

Ordf Mca

TAX PAYED IN LADONIA

You might know that tax is payed in creativity in Ladonia. A fine example on a taxpayer is Emily who payed this: "its deeply darkening on the city as my slow ivory fingers--oh skinny me--turn in my late form---my father-not my real dad is snoring as i rub my keyboard and dream of days that i know will never come--cuz i'm not that glamour babe mama wants me to be."

mail_from: emilygaskins@usa.net

A POEM FROM CUSTODIAN

Ladonia's great poet, Johan Andersson (Captain Hillman), Custodian has composed this poem

och katten stannar / and the cat remains

i steget / in the step

ellipser / ellipsing

expanderar till klot / expanding to a ball

ett ögonblick / one moment

och barnets händer / and the hands of the child

smular höstlöv / scrapping autumn leaves till stoff to dust

ett ögonblick / one moment

och vi är borta / and we are gone

ska cirkeln sluta sig / will the circle close

och för alltid vända sig inåt / and for ever turn itself inwards

bakom sin tysta linje / behind its silent line

CHRISTMAS CAROL

(by Minister of Health, Dr E. von Bock)

In House of Three-Maidens
one night I was dining,
what night was it then?
Oh what night, oh what night?
Christnmas Night
fa-la-la
Christmas Night
Give me hugs,
give me wine,
fa-la-la
Give me love
I´ll be thine
fa-la-la
fa-la-la
in House of Three Maidens
in Housse off Threee Maiiiiiidenns ! ! !

MISCALLENOUS NEWS & GOSSIP

CHRISTO:WRAPPED TREES

Two famous ladonians, Christo and Jeanne-Claude has just made a marvelous project in Switzerland, "Wrapped Trees" in Fondation Beyeler and Berower Park, Riehten, Switzerland.

Ten climbers, three tree pruners and twenty workers made it possible together with a long experience from Christo and Jeanne Claude who started to work with trees in 1966.

As they say, this project and all their others, have no meaning but being beautiful pieces of art. Jeanne-Claude, when asked "What is art?" uses a quotation from Groucho Marx: "Art?, that is short for Arthur!"

CHRISTO - WRAPPED TREES

TANGO IN LADONIA

The Minister of Jazz, Margareta Granvik, has produced a new cd. On this you will find "Tango à Ladonia" with text by the Minister. She is a member of the jazz group VIÉDOMVIÉ. If you are interested in tango and especially Ladonian tango you can order the record in Ladonia Shop on the net.

A REPORT FROM THE LADONIAN COLONY IN GREENVILLE

David Axe has sent this report and proposals:

"The small Ladonian contingent in Greenville, SC, is prospering. Led by Citizen David Axe, the LCG (Ladonian Contingent--Greenville) has recently declared the far corner of the student newspaper office in the student center of Furman University sovreign Ladonian territory. Having planted a flag and declared our resistance to all who would displace us, we expect a response from University officials within days. Our battle cry: "Viva la Ladonia! Ladonia uber alles! Long live Ladonia! What time is dinner?!"

On a separate note, we call upon the Ladonian president to found a Ministry of Destructive and Useful Insects. The LCG has, in recent months, come into regular contact with increasingly pestulent and pervasive cockroaches. We call them Montague Cockroaches. An account of these appears below:
My first sighting of the Montague Cockroach occurred only a few nights after I moved into Montague Apartment 19 on May 31 of this year. It was late. My roommates had gone to bed hours earlier. I was reading in the living room, when
I heard what I thought was someone walking toward me from the kitchen. I looked up expecting to see Jay Kalbas or Graham Wright. You can imagine my horror when a three-foot-tall cockroach shuffled into the room with a mug of coffee in one hand and a book under the opposite arm. Apparently he thought he had the place to himself, for his bulbous amber face betrayed his surprise. I screamed and dove behind the couch. When I gathered the courage to
peer over the top of the couch, the mug was spinning on the floor in a pool of coffee, and the book was spread spine-up nearby. The title was Destructive and Useful Insects.

I bought a can of industrial-strength insecticide the next day. With this in one hand and my Army survival knife in the other, I sat in wait on the floor of the living room. Night fell and the moon rose, as did the lump of fear in my throat.

Icy apprehension grasped my heart. Just as my terror reached a heart-pounding crescendo, I heard the terrible sound of many "feet" slapping cold tile in the hallway. Antennae appeared around the corner, followed by the terrible mandibles of the beast. His crimson shell shone in the pale moonlight spilling through the window. He turned to face me, and I stared into his eyes. His black orbs were sharp with calculation. I knew immediately I had made a huge mistake. I had assumed, as a human being, to be superior to this creature. However, his face was etched with the steely gaze of confidence. He was in control. I heard a scuffle behind the beast. A pair of smaller Montague Roaches
dragged a rope-bound bundle into view. It was Dave Heffner, my third roommate, bound and gagged! I nearly laughed in glee despite my dire circumstance.

My heart pounded and my mind raced. The scene seemed to move in slow motion. I moved without thinking, leaping to my feet and throwing the knife in one fluid motion as I swung the can of insecticide around, bringing it bear on
the largest Roach. The knife struck one of the smaller denizens of insectitude; he screeched and fell writhing to the floor. The second smaller Roach dropped my roommate, who hit the ground with a grunt. The big Roach moved at me with his many legs flailing like a mechanical reaper. I depressed the knob on the insecticide can, and a cloud of green poison unfurled in the face of the beast.
The tendrils of gas snaked into my nostrils. I felt a fuzzy blanket over my mind, and I blacked out.
I awoke what must have been hours later with a splitting headache.
Heffner was wriggling at my feet, grunting at the cloth stuffed into his mouth. I gave him a swift kick to the head to quiet him. The spent can of insecticide rolled
in an orbit around my head.
The apartment was still. The Roaches were nowhere to be seen."

PROJECTS

FROM WARD SHELLEY'S EDITIONS

>From Diana in Atlanta: A college professor, who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are adressed as "she" and "her." He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed.

To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.,

The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because: 1. In order to get their attention , you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand concluded that computers should be referred to in the female gender because: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

SCIENCE

WINTER SCROLLING FROM VERMONT Put your mouse at your down arrow of your scroll bar & Hold... SNOWBALL ! SNOWBALL ! SNOWBALL ! SNOWBALL ! SNOWBALL ! SNOWBAL L ! SNOWBAL L ! SNOWBAL L ! SNOWBAL L ! SNOWBAL L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! S N O W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! SN O W B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SNO W B A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNOW B A L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOWB A L L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWBA L L ! SNOWBAL L ! SNOWBAL L ! SNOWBAL L ! SNOWBAL L ! SNOWBALL ! SNOWBALL ! SNOWBALL ! SNOWBALL ! SNOWBALL ! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOW BALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! SNOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S N OWBALL! S N OWBALL! S N OWBALL! S N OWBALL! S N O WBALL! S N O WBALL! S N O WBALL! S N O WBALL! S N O W BALL! S N O W BALL! S N O W BALL! S N O W BALL! S N O W B ALL! S N O W B ALL! S N O W B ALL! S N O W B ALL! S N O W B A LL! S N O W B A LL! S N O W B A LL! S N O W B A LL! S N O W B A L L! S N O W B A L L! S N O W B A L L! S N O W B A L L! S N O W B A L L!! S N O W B A L L!!! S N O W B A L L!!!! S N O W B A L L!!!!! S N O W B A L L!!!!!! S N O W B A L L!!!!! S N O W B A L L!!!! S N O W B A L L!!! S N O W B A L L!! S N O W B A L L! S N O W B A L L! S N O W B A L L! S N O W B A L L! S N O W B A LL! S N O W B A LL! S N O W B A LL! S N O W B A LL! S N O W B A LL! S N O W B ALL! S N O W B ALL! S N O W B ALL! S N O W B ALL! S N O W BALL! S N O W BALL! S N O W BALL! S N O W BALL! S N O W BALL! S N O WBALL! S N O WBALL! S N O WBALL! S N O WBALL! S N O WBALL! S N O WBALL! S N OWBALL! S N OWBALL! S N OWBALL! S N OWBALL! S N OWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! S NOWBALL! SNOWBALL! BAM!!!!!! snowballsnowball snowballsnowballsnowball snowballsnowballsnowballsnowball snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowb snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsn snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnob snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowba snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowball snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowball snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowbal snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowb snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsno snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnowball snowballsnowballsnowballsnowballsnow snowballsnowballsnowballsnowball snowballsnowballsnowball GOTCHA!!!!!!! CONSIDER YOURSELF HIT BY A SNOWBALL!

ASK THE DOCTOR

Ministry of Health explains new Causes and Cures of Alcoholism, Womanizing, and the deeper meaning of a Box of Chocolates.

Ever since Plotinus´ days thought of schooling aims at holistic ideals whenever applicable. Every educated westerner has also heared more than just once the famous Wiener Waltzer "Wein, Weib und Gesang" (wine,woman & singing), and maybe some of the philosophically inclined have paied a short moment´s reflection on these three words, what they really mean, implying as it were an eloquent epitome of all masculine escapism, the very Trinity of Good Life. It is furthermore accepted in gnostic circles that man is a Spirit trapped in his body, i.e. in the temporal world. Suppose the gnostics are right and time really is an important issue. Further assume a masculine spirit spending all his time in some Viennoise Taffel Walzer Orchestra with fiddles, horns, harmoniums, bases, drums and general mirth - he´ll then be unable to see women and visit taverns, he cannot enter that parallell course of time. If however he is all busy womanizing, he will hardly have any time for serious drinking, or women wouldn´t pay him any flirtuous glances, and he couldn´t play in tune with the the rest of the orchestra either (if it mattered). Finally, of old the sum of man´s vice has been considered constant. Unfortunately we have no time before Christmas to prove that the above described Trinity of Good Life actually is consistent with all human vice, there are e.g. cigars gingersnaps too, and therefore, due to this legitimate shortage of time, we immediately arrive at the following mathematical theorem: Sum(W,W,G) = Const. Thus, with an excess of W (meaning "Weib") there will be want of W (meaning "Wein") and G (meaning "Gesang"), etc. The implications are plain: Well balanced life, not too many women, not too much wine, not too much singing - if one parameter starts leaping havoc, increase one or both of the others, and you´ll be fine.

This theorem however is valid only for the subset of Most Men of the world population. For women there should exist another theorem: Sum(W,S,G) = Const. W stands for "Wein", S for "Süssigkeiten" (candy), and G for "Gesang". We have major difficulties and no time before Christmas either to research why candy appears more important than men, but maybe this theorem is not enough worked with and incomplete after all. Maybe we could find an extended form: Sum(W,S,G,M) = Const. The added variable M then stands for "Männer" meaning "men in general", or possibly "Mein Mann" meaning "my husband" - yes that´s more like it!

Since again ALL human vice is considered constant we also can write: Sum(W,W,G) = Sum(W,S,G,M), and: W = (S,M). This is a corollary to the "Wein Weib und Gesang" theorem saying that the sources of pleasure for women represented in their husbands and weakness for candy appear less differentiated for men, represented by "women" only. So here is implied the deeper meaning of a box of chocolates, or in greater generality, that candy has many forms.

/ E. von Bock, Minister of Health

AT THE END OF THE DAY

A word from the Minister of Health

This would be a good time to say Merry Christmas to All Peoples in the World, so of course, Merry Christmas to You All - but my mind is somewhere else at the moment. I have just read Tolstoy' s last great novel (Last Works are always divine), and seen that his mission was the same as the mission of Gurdjieff, centered on two great essence questions, what is the purpose of man on the earth, and why must man always make war? What is the source of his corruption? Man is not his genuine self, he is the sum total of a corrupt ways of interaction between people of various levels of power, lying is more important than telling the truth, only children tell the truth, everybody who has reached the age of maturity functions like a machiene, like a sleepwalking machiene, only reacting, never truly acting, never doing, never genuinely willing, and lives way below his real potential. This is a truly sad fact, and this, my dear fellow Ladonians, and all other Peoples of the World, shuold be our real concern. But by all means, Merry Christmas! However, how would it be if we cuold say Merry Essence True Christmas From One Heart Without Dark Shadows To Another - the world would be a totally different place! Believe it or not, our investigations show that shadow like devils have invaded all politically correct institutions (first and foremost the UN), where they emulate all kinds of politically correct propaganda aimed at satisfying our common feeling of guilt (things seem wrong, but why - unconscious!), with an easy devillish coup de pensee, man is ruining the earth (true), and the earth cannot defend herself (not true), thus we need to destroy our welfare economies - so they, the politically correct groups, can get grants money, and establish for themselves their importance, their gospels, venues of worship, titles with a divine air - unfortunately instead rather a devillish whiff of something else that comes out of the rear end of their bodies - On this matter The Minister of Philosophical Fishery will speak further. I do advice, hear him out, it is important: (Speaking the Minister of Philosophical Fishery)

As we have previously advised the cabinet, the planet is 7,000 years into its next ice age. Never mind superficial propaganda to the contrary. Saturn and Jupiter are continuing their pull and Earth is removed from its close proximity of the sun. This is a well established 100,000 year cycle. 83,000 years from now Ladonia will be covered by a layer of ice, perhaps two miles thick. Wotan's tower will be no more. There is no remedy other than burning everything in sight! More carbon dioxide in the atmosphere may delay the calamity, but the ice age is marching on. The Minister of Philosophical Fisheries further tells us, according to seriuos research, there is about 60 times more carbon dioxide dissolved in the oceans than found in the air. A thousand years ago, Leif Ericsson for a few decades colonized America (Vinland, meaning where grapes grew - in Labrador, all scientifically sustained), the climate was a lot warmer. Now, if you put a glass of strong beer in your owen, very soon you get low alcohol "Light Beer", whereas the percentage of gaseoes alcohol (as well as carbon dioxide of course!) dramatically increases in your owen, says our Minister of Philosophical Fisheries.

I will speak of something even worse: Tolstoy points out the corrupness of mature man. Gurdjeff says the same, and adds that man is multiple. This has to be be amended. It comprises the Process of Individuation of CG Jung.. Now, we all must suffer, otherwise we do not learn anything that goes deep. Corruptness is a fact. It probabbly started with the dawn of urban civilisation, when politeness and suppression of the real insights about fellow man and oneself became increasingly important - and could be given strong external visual Signs of (alleged) Importance - Royal Robes, Clergical Hats, Gold Rings of Various Guilds, &c. Truth belongs to Nature. We all share the same field of common humanity, which lies in the field of Mother Earth, which belongs to the field of the planets, the sun, all suns, our Milky Way, all galaxies - all worlds, the... In these fields, what happens to one, happens to all (Do not ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for you... &c.), and of these fields, in the field of modern humanity, we suffer the aforementioned corruption.

I am writing this on the Atlantic shore in an ancient house covered by big naked trees on the South-East Massachusetts coast, in heavy stormy rain, and like an explosion, the sun broke through with her unbearable brilliance behind wide trunks and branches tossed about in the wind.

The corruption is a corruption of love. How can the increadibly beautiful original expression of love be lost from this world (?), Tolstoy asks. I have thought a lot about it, but I will cut all reasoning short. Love is nothing superficial you easily can learn, it is the deepest bottom of your visible soul, yet available to everyone - albeit for moments of fleeting character. Never mind, the all important fact is that love goes deeper than we can understand, we only experience the bliss of it, like the bliss of all art, all beauty (N.B. not any of the kind you can theorize about, as is most common in our Modern Dark Ages). Now, before the Sumerian civilisation, we learn, every young man and woman knew what were their being obligations. Today, marriages form, marriages dissolve. Why? Any member of the human species is not one, he/she are many. Is the soul expressed in one body, or many? Since you thought it was one, the truth must be many.

/E. von Bock, Minister of Health.

(comment from the Minister of Philosophical Fisheries)

The Minister of Health has provided a heavy and thoughtful comment on the affairs of mankind. The Minister of Philosophical Fisheris concurs without hesitation. One is tempted to quote Dylan Thomas:

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light"

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	ANOTHER YEAR IN LADONIA Soon the liberated Ladonia will be three years. Our population has grown to more than 3.800. And it has been a fantastic year, starting with the succes made by the ladonians in the winter olympic in Naganu in Japan. Ladonia sent our glacier minister to the games. The Great Feast of Thuban started on the 28th of January at 8.15 and will continue for 46.604 years. If you missed it so far, and you have missed much, you can still try to use the reamining 46.603 years in a sublime state of feasting mood. The Swedes tried to send the enforcement officer to remove our cities. As usually they failed. And even if the matter still is a courtcase, Ladonia strengthen her freedom. Our Minister of Sophistry, Horatius, withdrew to start a new political party in Sweden. Always being a pain in the ass for the cabinet the loss was deeply regretted. But he might be back as he hasn't fully left Ladonia. Ladonia got a Minister of Sex, Magnus Ask. Debating sex was popular in the cabinet and the great discussion called "Balls in?" went on for several weeks. It was a great years for all hunters; the Minister of Hunting made hunting on moose, buffalo and lion free all year. And we got our first eternal minister, Countess Madeleine from Wisconsin. The danish minister of culture paid Ladonia an official visit, something that troubled the swedes. A visit was also made by the famous UARDA Academy. Some of the members started on the huge project in carving out a stone sfinx. In science an uttermost important discovery was made. The smallest possible part of the human brain, the logomer, was divided into smaller parts through a research made by the Minister of Philosophical Fisherie. This minister claimed the award that was set up by the Minister of Brain. The Minister of Brain was not willing to pay the sum and this scientific quarrel is still going on. 13 Stamps was produced in Ladonia during this year and the postoffice had much to do. It was another great year for Ladonia.
	NOBILITY Conte Pietro from Italy is one of the new noblemen in Ladonia, he confirms this: "Hon.Lars Vilks,I have to-day received the Letter on Nobility for Conte Pietro Confessore" pedross@iol.it Another one is Marquis James. His ancestors were swedish nobilities: "Most Hartmann's were GRAF (Counts) if Nobles. However, distant a relation perhaps, Hartmann renamed Adliga attn Von Hartmansdorff, nr 1861 Adlad 1683/ introd. 1743 by the King of Sweden. I have no idea what rank of Nobles that is. Since your nation is Swedish Baised my family is Line is from Northren Germany. Mattias Hartmann held North Germany forthe Crown. My question is what Noble Rank did he hold?" If you know something of this please tell marquis James: James Hartman jhartman@tsrcom.com The marquis has just won a price on the web for his tremendous page on science. I recommend you to take a look: http://www.homestead.com/Barondom/index.html NEW MINISTER OF LANGUAGE Aya Stehager has been appointed Minister of Language. If you understand swedish you can read her translation of i french novel at: http://home1.2.sbbs.se/svenolov.stehager/bok.htm aya_stehager@hotmail.com MINISTER OF FOREIGN OFFICE PARMAN'S TURKEYS My grandfather, the great George Parman, was a chemist and used to sell tranquilizers to turkey farmers, they weren't for the farmers, they were for the birds. You see, during thunderstorms, the turkeys would get so crazy that without something to quiet them down they would have heart attacks. Which leads to the question what do you get when you put a thunderstorm and 1000 turkeys together? 1000 dead turkeys. The other funny thing about turkeys is that when it rains they look up at the sky, becuase of this they drown. John Parman John Parman can be seen in his working and cooking spaces at home. MINISTER OF ENTREPENEUR Minister Sandor from Hungary is celebrating the winter and Ladonia: INVESTMENTS IN LADONIA The interest for investing in Ladonia is upgoing. You can just read this letter to imagine what is going on. As I have to be strictly confidential I have excluded names and addresses in this letter: "In my country XX I am financial and administrative manager of several private companies. Also I am financial advisor of some of most influent public persons and firms in XX. My observations working with them are that as reach the person or organization becomes as powerful and influent they are in our society. The same picture I see in more global sense. What I mean is that different countries are as strong and powerful as there concrete wealth is. With country`s wealth, of course, walking the wealth and self-confidence of the nation and every single citizen. I think a lot of Ladonia lately. Is it possible this small kingdom some day to be wealth and powerful no matter of the size? The question is: Do we Ladonians want power and wealth and how much of them? Is it possible (lets imaging a little bit) Ladonia to be a reach country and every citizen to be proud and most important reach person I have a proposal - I can bring capitals to Ladonia. I have an idea which can deliver 10. m0 to 20. billion $ in one year. I have people ready to invest in this piece of land, to make it wanted even for leaving there. Its possible for me to bring also 1.5. m0 to 3. billion $ yearly."
	GOTCHA!!! \ \| / \\\ \ \| \| / // \\\ \\ // /// \\\ ####### /// \\## ##// -- ## ## -- -- ## Splatt!!! ## -- //## ##\\ // ### ### \\ /// ####### \\\ /// // \\ \\\ // / \| \| \ \\ / \| \ Du har precis blivit träffad av en snöboll! *You have just been hit by a snowball* Årets första. *The first of this year* Detta är början av SnöBollsKrig 98/99... *It is just a beginning av the SnowBallWar 98/99* This contribution has come from the Minister of Propaganda, Lord Aslak. He is probably immobile and dead in the glacier where he went some time ago. But he is still producing and distrbuting interesting stuff. Ladonia can do well with an army of snowballers. It is also a cheap way of creating war and it is almost impossible to produce the snowballs in warfactories. And more material distributed by Lord Aslak (swedish only): "Under en presskonferens jämförde Bill Gates dataindustrin med bilindustrin och konstaterade att "om bilindustrin hade utvecklats isamma takt som dataindustrin skulle vi alla köra bilar som kostade 250kr och gick 100 mil/l. General Motors ville inte vara sämre och konstaterade nyligen följande: Om Microsoft byggde bilar... -Varje gång vägmarkeringarna målades om skulle alla bli tvugna att byta bilar. -Med jämna mellanrum skulle bilen, utan någon påtaglig anledning, dö ute på motorvägen och man skulle bara acceptera det, starta om och köra vidare. -Ibland skulle vissa manövrar få bilen att stanna och dö och du skulle bli tvungen att återinstallera motorn. Av någon underlig anledning skulle man acceptera även detta utan frågor. -Endast en person skulle kunna befinna sig i bilen åt gången, förutsatt att du inte köpt "Bil 95" eller "Bil NT", men då skulle man bli tvungen att köpa flera säten. - Apple skulle göra en bil som drevs av solljus, var pålitlig, fem gånger så snabb, två gångerså lätt att köra, men kunde bara färdas på 5% av vägarna. -Nya säten skulle tvinga alla att ha samma storlek på ändan. -Vid eventuell olycka skulle man få frågan: Vill du utlösa Airbag? J/N? -Om du var inblandad i en olycka skulle ingen veta vad som hade hänt eller vems fel det var." Lord Aslak is also meditating on some strange facts and concluding that it might be that the univers in itself is a practical joker. He gives this example: "Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are comprised of fifteen letters. Lincoln was shot at the theatre named 'Kennedy'. Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln'. Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse. Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre. Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe. Both successors were names Johnson"
	THE HOT DOG EMBASSY Edane 5/12 1998 Report from the hot-dog embassyin Wemland; Sweden A short report of the hot-dog embassy, who alive and The embassy has been on two perfomance, in october it was i Karlstad, and in december in Stockholm. The ambassor handle over the embassy to an artist in Karlstad, the artist maked an royal dinner. He try to let it look like the queen and a king had dinner in hot- dog embassy, and the audition where standing out side watching. The exhibition where called "Reptil", and many artist where invited. And in december the hot-dog embassy has gone undercover in to the head town Stockholm, it is participate in a show called Hans och Greta on Novilla, Skansen. It`s an exhibition with artists from Wermland who been working around the story by Bros. Grimm, togeheter with children. The hot- dog embassy are a store with pepparcookies, it is called "Suum cuique" as an award to all the citizens ot Ladonia. >From the ambassdor Janove Ekstedt Ordf Mca
	TAX PAYED IN LADONIA You might know that tax is payed in creativity in Ladonia. A fine example on a taxpayer is Emily who payed this: "its deeply darkening on the city as my slow ivory fingers--oh skinny me--turn in my late form---my father-not my real dad is snoring as i rub my keyboard and dream of days that i know will never come--cuz i'm not that glamour babe mama wants me to be." mail_from: emilygaskins@usa.net
	A POEM FROM CUSTODIAN Ladonia's great poet, Johan Andersson (Captain Hillman), Custodian has composed this poem och katten stannar / and the cat remains i steget / in the step ellipser / ellipsing expanderar till klot / expanding to a ball ett ögonblick / one moment och barnets händer / and the hands of the child smular höstlöv / scrapping autumn leaves till stoff to dust ett ögonblick / one moment och vi är borta / and we are gone ska cirkeln sluta sig / will the circle close och för alltid vända sig inåt / and for ever turn itself inwards bakom sin tysta linje / behind its silent line
	CHRISTMAS CAROL (by Minister of Health, Dr E. von Bock) In House of Three-Maidens one night I was dining, what night was it then? Oh what night, oh what night? Christnmas Night fa-la-la Christmas Night Give me hugs, give me wine, fa-la-la Give me love I´ll be thine fa-la-la fa-la-la in House of Three Maidens in Housse off Threee Maiiiiiidenns ! ! !