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THE SEASON HAS BEGUN IN LADONIA! |
| STATE AFFAIRS | Ladonia is steadily growing, in people and territories. The season has begun and tourists and citizens marches down the steeps to the beloved Ladonian shores. |
| POLITICS & CABINET | The Chief of the Diplomatic Corps in debate with Queen Ywonne I: Are we to enter military pacts or not? |
| NEWS & GOSSIP | Lord Aslak, gives a sign of life, frozen in time. Ladonia will replace Delfi as the Navel of the world; Ladonian Shopping Mall coming up; Ladonian lord climbs the Matterhorn; introducing the State Dog; shocking insult to the State Secreatry on assignment in the swedish capital. |
| SCIENCE | A remarkable step forward in the search of the logomere by Löjtnant. |
| COOKERY | The Minister of Brain generously shares his excellent and well famed knowledge in the art of cooking: Preparing a peregrin falcon. |
| AT THE END OF THE DAY | The Minister of Health spreads his wisdom. He has also liberated more land from Sweden to Ladonia and is at war with streetlights. Don't miss it! |
| Managing Editor: Lars Vilks
Executive Editor: Vera Porad The editors are not responsible for unrequested material sent to Ladonia Herald. We reserve the right to edit any contribution, and we take no responsibility as for incorrect use of the language (except our own). For letters, graphic material, questions, feedback, texts etc please feel free to mail us. |
EDITORIAL Ladonia is expanding steadily and peacefully. We are now more than 3.300 citizens
and we have a new colony in Italy. The new colony is conquered by our
minister of entertainment Erik Tveteraas. The season has begun in Ladonia.
The stream of tourists and visitors has started. And we wish all of
them welcome. ITALIAN COLONY As already mentionend we have a new colonyin Italy. The efforts of the minister of Entertainment, Erik Tveteraas (living in Norway) have been successful: "The first ever landonian colony in Italy is up and running. On a hill above the town of Terracina a few miles outside Rome, beneath the Temple of Jupiter (a temple built by the romans around 60 A.D.) the landonian flag has been put in the ground, confirming Landonias sovereignety the the rest of the world. The 11/4, a saturday, on exactly half past one it was established." (extract from the minister's report) |
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FOREIGN POLITICS - THE QUEEN VERSUS MINISTER PARMAN Ladonia has become involved in foreign politics and obviously there are different opinions about how to handle such matters. It isn't easy to say who is right. For your information on this important issue I give you these quotations from the debate: "The Republic of Baja Arizona had been persistently sending me e-mails to start diplomatic relations with them. At first, I ignored them, then, I recieved in another of my e-mail accounts, a letter from the Kingdom of Reunion, which said that "Frankly, Ladonia could not possibly be a micronation, had no real citizens but was really just a few people pretending to be a whole lot of people." Reunion flatly doubted my suggestions that they were too ignorant and stupid to look at the whole picture. I then went to reunion's web site and found that Baja Arizona and the Kingdom of Choconia were stripped of their status as micronations by Reunion's diplomatic ministry. Thus, going to Baja Arizona's web site, I found that choconia and baja Arizona had joined in an alliance to fight Reunion's sphere of influence. I feel we should join it too, Reunion believes that it is the best, the most powerful, the greatest, and the largest micronation in the world, when its 1998 census to date says it has only 60 citizens, and I have a feeling only 20-35 are real. This could be a real threat to Ladonia, and we should take the Reunion matter very seriously. I await Ladonia's input. WAAAAAL!" John Parman Chief of the Diplomatic Corps of Ladonia
- Her Majesty Ywonne I protested against this which lead to further discussion between the minister and Her Majesty: "Your majesty, I understand your concern, however, I really doubt that their army is real at all. In fact, I believe that this is just boasting. Just as all people sometimes boast or make unbelievable claims. I don't see why we should have relations to anyone just boasting. Do we wish to build diplomatic relations on empty air? I will of course send a letter to them asking them to change their position on the military issue, however I cannot guarantee anything. I do find peace a great value, but I cannot unlaterally agree that an army is not needed in any case. Just think, had Sweden not had an army in its neutrality, would they have been safe from German invasion?" Her Majesty: "Have you considered that IF Germany would not have had an army, and the rest of Europe were not involved in the arms race, would there have been a war at all? If you argue with assumptions, you have to consider all assumptive situiations. Furthermore we know today that the Swedes allowed the Germans to do quite a few things in Sweden that the Swedes are not very proud of, and that assumptively kept the Germans from investing to much army force onto Sweden. The Maya Republic is created by one man, as far as I can read, and he claims to be the sovereign of 30 million people, defending his "peaceful" purpose with claimed army, that assumably belongs to the countries the oneman country claims as its territory. I have not intended to involve myself to much in the politics of Ladonia so far, but this time I feel urged to prevent actions that are not in line with the intention of our country and our peaceful people. Please, mr Parman, come to your senses and don't move towards relations built on empty air. That will not do any good to our nation. I beg you not to make any more offers such as "I expect that you will recieve an open invititation of diplomatic relations by next week." before you have consulted the cabinet." Queen Ywonne I Jarl |
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STATE SECRETARY DENIED A CAB The state secretary has just finished a construction in Stockholm at the castle Rosendal. He nailed a 12 meter long portal. A hard work made in three days. He was rather dirty of all the pine trees he had been carrying during the rainy day. He asked, tired as he was, for a cab. The driver looked at him and denied him the ride. He had to walk home, his eyed constantly fixed to the pavement. This was the grandeur of humiliation. LADONIAN SHOP UNDER CONSTRUCTION T-shirts, pins, flags, books, stamps, postcards... Soon you do not have to live without these precious Ladonian souvenirs. A shopping mall is under construction at the Ladonian site. State Graphic etc Vera Porad will be in charge of the shop which already has a wide variety of items for sale. It is also the Ladonia State Bank for currency exchange and the Ladonia General Post Office with stamps etc for sale. Watch out for the announcement of the shop! LORD OF NAIL CLIMBED THE TOP OF MATTERHORN Hans Kjellman, wellknown Ladoian (just look at our panoramapicture on our homepage), climbed the top of Matterhorn on the 25th of April. The top of Matterhorn is, as you might already know, cast into Arx. He made the climbing in about ten seconds. The top of Matterhorn is situated about 1,90 meter above ground.
STATE DOG OF LADONIA The dog is man's best friend and therefore we now have a State Dog of Ladonia. He is a cairnterrier by the name Little Lord Alex of Ladonia. The cairnterrier is known as the "best little pal in the world" and "a big dog in a small size", characterized by being always alert and not afraid of anything, just like many Ladonians. The State Dog is an adorable puppy of little more than two months of age and passes his daily life at the home of State Graphic etc Vera Porad and her family. His education is mostly taken care of by the older cairnterrier Jens who will see to his higher education. Jens is already teaching Alex not to bite slippers when on visit at friends houses. LORD ASLAK IS STILL ALIVE The minister of Propaganda, Lord Aslak, has come to life with an interesting note. He has written: "First?" The deeper meaning in this single word is not easy to understand, but it has probably something to do with the idea of being first. It might have to do with theology. Who was the first? GREAT PLANS: THE NAVEL The old center of the world, the temple of Apollo in Delfi (Greece), is since a long time out of order. We have considered to take our responsibility in create a new one in Ladonia. Within a short time a navel will be erected. Some problems, though, to find the right spot. In Delfi the place was found by sending to eagles out and where they met the spot was founded. Thus I ask for some eagles. The center of the world in Ladonia will also have a Pythia, the oracle that will give answers to all questions. |
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REGARDING THE LADONIAN SEARCH FOR LOGOMERS The Lojtnant has forcefully entered Ladonia bringing up new evidence in the search for the logomer. As the Lojtnant also is a specialist on fish he has started to organize the fishes in Ladonia. The Lojtnant, living in the USA, is also known for his work with plasma. At times he has been occasionally mentioned by the minister of Health in his highly appreciated column "At the end of the day". The logomer project was started by the minister of Brain who set up a reward for anyone who could find the smallest element in the function of the brain. The Lojtnant has sensational news in this issue: "It has come to our attention that the Minister of the Brain has issued a reward for anyone who can find the elusive logomer; the smallest imaginable element making up all mental functions of the brain, including thought. We must immediately inform the respective Ladonian Ministery of the fact that fundamental research in the New World has indicated that the logomer by no means is the fundamental building block. Logomers consist of yet smaller elements. It is the identification of these that should be worthy of the prize! Yet, as anyone would recognize, the search for one logomer in itself is a superhuman task, as the brain communication system only reacts to a large number of logomers before it translates the same to even the merest hunch of an idea. Nevertheless, it has now been found that the basic logomer comprises logoryons as well as loptons. The existence of these species is fundamental in providing the interactions which cause ideas to flow and keep a brain active. Loptons of the brain tissue interact with logophons which are created external to the brain itself; the brain thereupon being able to generate its own logophons. Logophons are without mass at rest, but at speed they interact directly with the electrically charged loptons [the electrically charged loptons are called logotrons and antilogotrons and the electrically neutral ones are equally obviously logotrinos and anti logotrinos] of the logomers causing the logomer to become active. With enough logomer sites excited, thought emerges. The most interesting of the recent findings has to do with the structure of the logoryons. These large building blocks actually consist of logoquarks which are held together by logluons. It has been established that many common types of insanity correlate with logluon deficiency. There are also losons which have mass and in some instances charge which operate to hold loptons and logoryons in balance, although they remain to be detected. Thus it is clear that the logomer de facto is not the elementary particle but instead consists of far smaller elementary particulates than previously thought (sic!) and the contest to find a logomer should move to new grounds! We would propose the Heisenberg principle of uncertainty as a fruitful new area wherein to characterize the workings of the brain. With regard to the Ladonian fish, we know from experience (diving expeditions in the general area) that the comprise the following species: 1. Petromyzon marinas (rare) 2. Lamna cornubica (rare) 3. Selache maxima (rare) 4. Galeus vulgaris & Squalus acanthias (in deeper waters) 5. Raja radiata & Raja clavata (sandy/rocky bottoms) 6. Clapea harengus (pelagic) 7. Salmo salar & Salmo trutta trutta 8. Esox lucius (only with consistent southeast winds) 9. Anguilla vulgaris (excellent when smoked) 10. Belone acus 11. Syngnathus acus 12. Gadus callarias 13. Gadui merlangus 14. Gadui pollachuis 15. Gadus virens (deep water only) 16. Perca fluviatis (only with consistent southeast winds) 17. Crenilabrus melops 18. Ctenolabrus repestris 19. Labrus bergylta 20. Labrus mixtus 21. Trachinus draco 22. Mugil chelo 23. Scomber scombrus 24. Zoarces viviparus 25. Anarchichas lupus 26. Trigla gurnardus 27. Cuttus scorpins 28. Cuttus bubalis 29. Cyclopterus lumpus 30. Rhombus maximus 31. Zeugopterus punctuatut 32. Pleurenectes plantessa 33. Pleurenectes flesus (a.k.a. skrubba) All these - and other pelagic forms which tend to immigrate from foreign territory need to be given passports and/or visas, as the case may be. They all feed on Ladonian crabs and shellfish, not to mention plancton which arrives into the territorial waters with the global currents, thereby becoming Ladonian property." Lojtn. |
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EATING THE PEREGRIN FALCON Our most dear minister of Brain has delivered the recipe of the peregrin falcon. Since long this bird has been a delicacy in Ladonia. Unfortenately the recipe is in swedish only, but you will fine a more rustic variation made by the minister of Health. You will find this in "At the end of the Day". (If anyone will be able to make a translation from swedish to english we would be very greatful) Pilgrimsfalk med små omeletter Pilgrimsfalken, eller "pillen" som dess älskare säger, är egentligen ingen god matfågel. Dess kött är segt och träigt; den bör marineras och sedan kokas länge. Ändå bär den minnet av när de gamla ladonierna levde nära naturen och i harmoni med dess cykler. Man levde av och med jordens, fåglarnas, och djurens kretslopp. Under goda omständigheter kan två man en höstkväll få fatt på 20-30 stycken falkar. Merparten av dessa saltades in som vinterföda men en del tillreddes färska och blev till stekt falk, Pilgrimssoppa eller pillepaj. En större njutning var att njuta vårpillen när den återkom till trakten efter vinterns mörker, fukt och kyla, kanske allra helst när bona ock kunde plundras på ägg. Även om själva pillen är lite tråkig i smaken, så kan man laga en läcker omelett av dessa. Efter att länge ha varit en sällsynt gäst på berget, har fågeln ånyo blivit vanligare genom att svenskarna lagt stora resurser på att föda upp ägg och fåglar i laboratorium. Dessa placeras på för människor avlysta områden av naturreservatet. Härigenom har möjligheten att laga den ladonska nationalrätten "Stuvad Pilgrimsfalk med små omeletter" återkommit. Denna rätt har en kort säsong efter det att äggen lagts; det är en rätt som hör den ladonska försommaren till. Tag fyra välväxta falkar och låt dem hänga oplockade och med inkråmet kvar på svalt ställe under en vecka. Plocka fåglarna på vanligt sätt; spara gärna några av falkens mäktiga vingpennor. Tag ut inkråmet men spara hjärta och lever. Fåglarna fylls med späda granskott och lägges att draga i en bunke surmjölk över natten. Äldrre, segare exeplar får bultas möra med tunga klubbor. Fåglarna torkas, saltas, peppras och sveps i späck. De steks över het eld i nötbrunt skummande smör tills de fått färg runtom. Späd med lika delar havsvatten och tjock grädde. Späda hackade granskott och strandlök får koka med under en god trekvartstimme. Tag upp och håll fåglarna varma. Koka ihop såsen med mer grädde; rör ner lite sur grädde från marinaden. Dela falkarna och lägg dem tillbaka i stuvningen. Halstra levern och hjärtat hastigt, skär dem i bitar och strö över hackad strandlök. Under tiden har man gjort små portionsomeletter av så många pilleägg man kommit över; det är inte lätt, men gott. Omelettsmeten vispas med 6 ägg, två skedblad havsvatten, svartpeppar och lite hackad trift och harsyra. Syran och äggen ger en fräschör som bryter mot falkens arkaiska trådighet. Njut rätten och känn hur du sveps med i en mångsekellång tradition av den ladonska försommarens cykliska återkomst. |
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We have some deep thoughts and important matters from our minister of Health: A Sexy Winter Tale: The feminine archetype unfolds like a large flower nobody can ignore anymore, no matter what opinions they might have about its shape, colour, fragrance, and message. As a little boy, I fell in love with the H.C. Andersen´s Winter Queen. She would appear out of the dusk on a snowy street in a wonderful sledge, drive close, ask you come up, tuck you inside her fur, and take you to Otherworld, where you would stay until grown up. She was the emblem of great female beauty, such as a young child appreciates a woman, her powerful charms safely hidden somewhere deep down under her fur, only their softness and warmth did wellcome the child´s soul. The phases of historical development have certain regular pivoting epochs obeying the golden section proportionality, the grand ones being beginning of historic time around 3000 B.C, Greek Classicism and the age of Perikles around 400 B.C, the High Medieval Ages in the13th century, and one yet to come, in the 23rd century. These eras are divided into four equal parts, also a very prevalent organising number in Nature, especially when keeping in mind that the human psyche in no way stands somewhere alone. Thus we get the important minor pivoting epochs, the renaissance, the age of enlightenment, and our own famous New Age, now at the turn of the millenium. In the Middle Ages the female archetype increased in power in society through the ideal of courteous love, and chess was introduced to Europe. During the renaissance the queen of the game, originally the Oriental Vizir of the king, replaced by his queen in medieval Europe, became the most powerful piece on the board. The virtue of individuality came forward in cultural life. In the 18th century this became everyman´s concern, and pietism flourished, the educated mind would secure a healthy society. However, this all went a bit sour and the pietism heeded by the great thinkers of enlightenment deteriorated into intolerace and dogmatism, the power structures of the king and the church held everything in their grip, and woman was still at the mercy of patriarchalism, albeit spiritually more than physically, physical abuses had become to a deal alleviated, but a moralizing possessive spiritual abuse was still very much in sway. The last remnants of this abuse are, believe it or not, the militant feminists of late 20th century. Exposure of women´s charms, these great powers, are declared to be depreciating women. Inconsequential. And these feminists themselves very much dress like olden witch hunters of Salem Massachusetts, in a modern version. The flower of feminism is unfolding. The internet is full to the brim of it, media are overflowing, there is no movement going on with greater energy than the primitive power of woman, her sexual allure, pornography, the "strong beauty" of Temple Maidens in Gilga:mesh´ days, porno-light reels on Saturday night televison, various treatises of erotica etc. etc. not to mention the Boulevard press appealing to our general broad walks of life: What is truly a new realisation is the fact that sexual phantasies freely expressed by women in various voluntary chats on the internet do not at all reveal any different strictly feminine patterns - they are all the same old story, newspapers tell us, and consequently there cannot be talk of any patriarchal repression of women. Thus in New Age, besides all kinds of meditation, harmless herbal teas, cosy huggings between members of various New Age movements, some dressed in sack like creations to appear non-erotic, others in tight fitting garments to state the opposite, courteous wishings of light and love and positive thinking in directions of all four corners of the world - (in New Age) will appear Shameless Body Exposure, the power of the Earth, the Physical Being of Man Redeemed, and especially in its most powerful function, undoubtedly, without any bashfulness, flaunting the innate sexual powers at an equal level of prestige with his abstract mental part. Two hundred fifty years from now this will be a lot more natural and less anxiety laden - what still seems a bit embarrassing today, will aquire a totally different and sound foundation among moralists of the next great pivoting epoch, the 23rd century. Winter may seem everlasting, but spring is bound to come. /Dr E. von Bock New Humbel Settlements west of Ladonia On Saturday evening the 28 March the Minister of Health, Dr Emanuel Bock and a general of the Swiss Army, the "silent general" Marco Humbel, who knows everything about the secret military tunnels under all of the central European rocky cheese, chocolate, and banking fortress, visited Ladonia. Dr Bock climbed Wotan´s tower, and contemplated the beautiful early spring sunset. There he caught a glimpse of Ladonia´s western border, a distinctly painted white line accross the rocks a trifling way off, and from above, it seemed to him even closer. "How close the western border is", Dr Bock thought, "maybe a military campain should be actualized by the government". He thereafter climbed down, at sat down on a rock facing the government building, or the leaning tower of Ladonia, erected during strong winds and thus leaning. Then he stilled his mind and ventured into some kind of shamanistic underworld journey, contamplating the shady entrance of the government building. Meanwhile the "silent general" Marco Humbel paced about the place, also in deep thoughts, and after a while sat down next to Dr Bock. "This is a good place", he said. Thereafter a Norweigian citizen approached them in the dusk, complaining that the map he had found on internet wasn´t very good, he had erred about in the woods quite some time and now wanted to know the best way back to his car. The dusk became deeper and very peaceful, the surface of the sea shiny, and hardly moved. Then suddenly Dr Bock and the "silent general" went westward to the Scandal Oar Rock and established a new settlement, marking the place with a pole they found on the shore, and attached a black plastic flag to the pole they also found on the shore. In honor of the "silent general" who in civil life is a business & computer vizard, Dr Bock proposed they would name their new aquisition the The Humbel Settlement. Thus it is already an accomplished fact, no tedious political procedures neccessary. It was aquired altogether in a modern fait accomplis style, out of a kind of instantaneous inspiration in Oriental Martial Art style. Proudly Ladonia can claim yet another 100 meters of Swedish territory to have been liberated.
WAR AGAINST STREETLIGHTS ! In an appeal to all sensible people of the world Dr Bock, Minister of Health, declares war on streetlights, and all other stupid lights as well such as tingel-tangel garden lamps, boasting lamp posts of private garages, facade illuminations of parvenue houses, and even lights burning all night just for the sake of a newspaper deliverer who threatens not to do his job unless a particular ally isn´t illuminated. Such insolent people backed up by their no good unions could easily carry torches. The number and power of streetlights have by far outgrown what is commendable by common sense. In our neighboring trouble making country Sweden the streetlights stand 25-50 m apart, and have become extremely powerful. Furthermore, they are left burning all night. Once idyllic villages look like heavily guarded prison camps. In August you cannot any more see the flourescent plancton near the vacation resorts. The stars are long sice gone from all communities. Even in Ladonia it is getting difficult to se the stars. Only 20 years ago one could still walk out into the night far from a community and watch the stars grow in numbers, into milling myriads like dust and swarming bees in the unfathomably black bottomless dome above, such a true pleasure of being alive in God´s Great Nature, but all you see now is but a kind of smooth dirty gray film where even the full moon has difficulties of shining through, because of the billions and more billions of unneccessary watts beeing reflected back and fourth among the tiny particles of the atmosphere, a consequence of stupid community politicians who think the more lamps they build the more people think they have accomplished something, and then old ladies are constantly being intimidated by the authorities that if they leave the bright circle of light under a lamp post, they will be raped (By whom, maybe the same politicians). And private gardens are not better. People are ignorant of the nature of light, what it does, how to use it in service of beauty (you only need to peep through some arbitrarily chosen windows during an evening walk), and even though most people might understand the effect of unpleasantly loud shit-music on cultivated ears outdoors, it never occurs to anybody that light also travels further than ones own property borders.The beauty of the universe is one of the cornerstones of health. We, the Ministry of Health, invite everybody who cares to understand light and this beauty to unite under the stanza written by a famous Finnish-Swedish poetess, Edit Södergran: "...Silly people came to live here, for whom the stars in the sky shone in vain". Fortunately we, the Ministry of Health, also met a light artist on a recent travel. She had been light-decorating a North Swedish town, Piteå. Just like my own name is von Bock, her name was von Otter, and "von" is always an old sign of reliability, so very soon we might have an avant guarde action group established to combat unneccessary streetlights and other impertinences. If negotiations fail, we shall need to consider more up to date tactics, "At the rising of the Moon" as go the lyrics of a famous Irish song.
DOCTOR OF OUR TIME We, the Ministry of Health, have been informed that ministers can apply for the status of ´Eternal Minister`. This is a wellcome recognition of services done to our great society quite beyond any possible way of giving their true value a deserved measure. And the Ministry of Health has delivered such services to Mankind repeatedly, we only want to mention our last project, designed to give all good people in the world ridden by frustration relief and satisfaction, the project of blowing up a galaxy. So ´Eternal Minister`, of course, that would be only fitting for the leader of the Ministry of Health to be able to add the title of ´Eternal Minister` to his already abounding recognitions of fame, but really, Dr Bock is far more than ´Eternal Minister`. He is a Magician, he won a health war against Swedish health authorities with one old statistician and four stone warriors (still standing in the wild country far west of Ladonia), he is an appreciated soother of stray women, because his heart is large and filld with perennial wisdom, he never hesitates to share what arrives in the essence of his mind and soul, he is a sensitive poet, especially known for his aforistic love poems, he is also a painter, and he has painted women as no one before him, he has written an opera and several miscellaneous pieces, before we forget, also some scientific works have left his desk, and no sooner so done, they have caused fuss and exitement (that´s how the health war broke out, and the stone warriors had to be built). He knows what´s recognized, and he has a thorough knowledge of what´s not. In all walks of life and in every thinkable situation he can give good reliable advice. He has valuable friends who talk with spirits. In short, he appears to be something of a ´doctor of our time`, if not truly ´the Doctor of Our Time`, a man for every unexpected moment. There is no such thing as two-dimensionality. Any apparently two-dimensional object exists in space anyway, or in the mind, which conceives of this space. Nor may we be certain of four-dimensionality in space. We can construct such a space mathematically, but again, this is a product of the mind. Space is experienced as a vessel for objects with lentgth, width, and height. Naming that vessel the frequently referred to three dimensions adds nothing further to the experience. If we construct an object of apparently infinite lines, according to the rule that all joints must be perpendicular, there is no way to use more then three of them - within our field of vision. Space and our measuring it are not the same. We may measure anything we see with any tool we understand to use. If we move, space changes and appears to move in the opposite direction. Objects may move relative to each other in any direction. The comparision of these movements gives rise to our notion of time. What gives rise to the phenomena measured we may never know. Patterns of measured phenomena, large as small, make up our understanding of our world. |
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Vera Porad, Executive Editor
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Lars Vilks, Secretary of State of Ladonia
Lars Vilks
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© Copyright 1998 Lars Vilks and Arrive Inter Media
Created : 1998-04-27
