19th issue, August/September 1998
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Ladonia in gloriuos court victory, swedish claims defeted The Ladonia Shop is now open! 24-hour service! |
| STATE AFFAIRS | Denmark shows their friendliness. Sweden loses in court - again. The queen rejoices. |
| POLITICS & CABINET | The Minister of Philosophical Fisherie fishes his mind as well as a lake. The dog league of Ladonia is growing. Connection between the two navels of the earth established. |
| NEWS & GOSSIP | Naecken in Ladonia. Hot news on stamps. New bar. New city. Lots of things going on in Ladonia - as always! |
| ASK THE DOCTOR | The Minister of Health is already drowning in questions from worried ladonians. With his blessed pen he sotthes their body and soul. |
| AT THE END OF THE DAY | The Minister of Health on breakthrough and essence. |
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE OF THE HERALD: | |
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Managing Editor: Lars Vilks
Executive Editor: Vera Porad The editors are not responsible for unrequested material sent to Ladonia Herald. We reserve the right to edit any contribution, and we take no responsibility as for incorrect use of the language (except our own). For letters, graphic material, questions, feedback, texts etc please feel free to mail us. |
FIRST FOREIGN MINISTER IN LADONIA The danish Minister of Culture, Elsebeth Gerner Nielsen, made an official state visit to Ladonia on the 4th of August. she came with a delegation of 25 persons. The Minister of Health, E Bock, Minister of Internet, Anders Löwdin and Minister of Brain, Tiit Mathiesen and state secretary received the visitors. von Bock had for the occasion composed a flourish and this was performed by the minister of brain on saxophone. Minister of internet and state secretary presented the danish and ladonian flags. The danish minister didn't really have the right clothing for the adventure of going to Ladonia. Her slippery sandals weren't the best companions but she endured the situation bravely and finallay she arrived to Wotan City. The swedish newspapers made their attacks on the danish minister as the connection between Ladonia and Denmark is a beginning of a new political balance in Scandinavia. It was obvious that Sweden is lossing control of the relation towards Ladonia. Negotiations were conducted with the danish minister concerning the best way for Ladonia to join the NATO. |
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CONSOLIDATING LADONIAN TERRITORY On the 30th of July the Swedes were defeated by a sentence by the city court in Malmoe. The Swedish County Administration Board intended to remove our capitol Wotan City as well as the town of Arx. But the sentence was favoring the Ladonian interests; nothing could be removed. At least for the moment the Swedish authorities are expelled from Ladonia and with no doubts we have our freedom untouched. And the comment from the royal family was: W W W A A A A L !! W W W W A A A A A A A A L !! W W W W A A A A A A A A A A A A L W W A A A A A A A A LLLLLL !! |
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THE QUEEN SPEAKS The Queen of Ladonia has written a letter where Her Majesty is discussing the visit of the danish minister of culture (Elsebeth Gerner Nielsen). Her Majesty also wants to establish diplomatic relations between Ladonia and Waveland: "Dear Subjects, I am the Queen of Ladonia because I say so. I was elected not because I requested it. I was elected because the time had come for Ladonia to have her Queen (and President). We will not be recognized by other countries because of our request of beeing recognized, but because the time will come for our recognition. The Danish Minister of Culture has now realized tat we exist and the time has come for him/her? (please brief me on who this person is) to recognize Ladonia by paying her a visit. To honour the minister we could serve Danish beer (preferrably ecologic) with "tebirkes" sunbaked on a hot Ladonian rock, along with the Ladonian national bread, the Eonatic Apple Pie. If the sun will be absent (as most of the time this summer) the bread could be baked in advance. Naturally the Ladonian anthem should be performed, but I strongly advice against swimming activities. We should definitively initiate discussions about mutual acts of recognition with the Danish nation, since Denmark is our neighbour. Unfortunately I will not be able to be there to meet with the Danish minister myself, but I trust our dear state secretary to handle the situation excellently. Regarding recognizing other countries and establishing diplomatic contacts, I propose that Ladonia officially recognizes the global state of Waveland, http://www.waveland.org/, and establish diplomatic relationships with that state. Embassies could be established through mutual linking in our respective homepages." Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal Ywonne I Jarl |
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MINISTRY OF PHILOSOPHICAL FISHERIE Mr Lojtnant, minister of philosphical fisherie give us a report from the work of the ministry: "The Minister of Philosophical Fisheries spends some quiet weekends in a related republic not yet declared independent - Latonia in New Hampshire - where the original population used to speak a crow language, now almost lost. Whereas the philosophical fishing in the creeks of Latonia is superb, the community is sleeping on its rights. May Ladonia lead the way and show Latonia the way to liberation and national independence along with international recognition. Latonia may become Ladonias Most Favored Nation in trade and an ally in foreign policy and war. Vive la Latonia Libre! Et Vive Ladonia!!" Waaaaaal, Lojtn. |
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CANIS CHIPS - LAW ENFORCER From the minister of justice it has been declared an important position in the legal system: "On the subject of recognition. I hererby ask all Ladonians to recognize the appointment of the first Chief Legal Law Enforcer of Ladonia, a.c ( animalus causa), namely His Right Honourable Canis Chips ( golden retriever, age 8). He is well experiened in tracking and has the formal requirement of a DD ( Djurist Degree). He will take up his appointment as of August 1. I ask everybody to disseminate this information and trust that it will be properly reflected in the Ladonian Herald." Ex officio Krister Thelin BURGESS; BALI AND DOGS From one of our most dear readers the following piece came to us: Waaaaallll! I read the Ladonia Herald yesterday and kept thinking and laughing all day. To thank you I´d like to contribute with a poem from Anthony Burgess book "Enderby": Kazwana ghishri fana kholamabu Bolloka wombon vurkelrada slabu, Ga fisbrak wopwop yairgang dynga blog Untera merb- I myself isn´t prepared to apply to be a minister, but my dog Ylva would like to join the league of dogs in Ladonia. She sends her regards to Felix: "Bali bali". Marianne Rydenfors State Dog Little Lord Felix wags his tail and is happy that the Ladonian league of dogs is increasing. He asks all ladonians to consider the following word of wisdom: "The more I get to know people, the more I like my dog." |
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UNUSUAL EMBASSY Citizen 98-3360 has become ambassador of our first earth-mobile embassy (we already have the flying embassy) "The mobil embassy has an expression of a hotdog store (120cm x120cm). This profile will participate in many occations where the head of the embassy finds it suitable, the arrangement will dress into different shapes. At the last performance the meeting place changed shape by the participated visitors in the county of Arvika-Vermland, Sweden the participated visitors painted the hotdog store with crayons. With the above written context, a belive and a sharp conviction (credo, credo) citizen 98-3360 will Ladonien maintain it's myths and creation for an expansive access for the citizens of Ladonia. State citizen 98-3360 apply to act as an counsellor of embassy in Vermland in the Kingdom of Sweden. With limitation against The Kingdom of Sweden capital , and always aim at the concentrate on Mediocre Countryside Artists and push it's thes in and outside the border round the capital." From citizen 98-3360 Janove Ekstedt (Baron-Ambassador) President of MCA- mediocre countryside artists |
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FROM NAVEL TO NAVEL Minister of Guardian Angels and the Minister of Subaquatic Territories have done astonishing researches on the Navel of the World and found out that they are in fact two, but connected.
If someone from Ladonia wants to visit this sacred place in Cusco, we will kindly arrange touristtravels (in case of at least six persons will take part). Then contact The Dep. of The Guardian Angels. Our mission is finished, and we hope the Ladonians will be very satisfied with this and agree to the spiritual connection. Countess Kicki von Hankell, Ministress of the Dep. of the Guardian Angels
a. s. o. |
NAECKEN A gap in our needs is filled by Niklas Wilhelmsson: All states needs a "naecken" whom can sit down by the water and play sentimental violinmusic for ancient Gods. I'm the Ladonian-"naecken". ONCE... |
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LADONIA STAMPS The mail is now working with all the new stamps which have been made during this year. In the summer stamps can be bought and postmarked in Ladonia Tax-Free shop. Stamps can also be bought in our shop on the net. Emission of eleven stamps has been made this year. Sorry to say, this time we can only publish a description of the different stamps: 1. 1/2 Oertug 1998, horizontal showing Nimis and the sea. Edition 36 2. 1 Oertug 1998, horizontal showing Arx. Edition 72 3. 1 Oertug 1998, vertical showing Arx. Edition 72 4. 1 Oertug 1998, vertical showing opening in Arx. Edition 72 5. 1 Oertug 1998, horizontal showing Wotan's tower in sunset. Edition 72 6. 1 Oertug 1998, vertical showing Double tower in Nimis. Edition 72 7. 1 Oertug 1998, vertical showing state crest. Edition 500 8. 1 Oertug 1998, vertical showing library in Nimis. Edition 72 9. 1 Oertug 1998, vertical showing Wotan's tower. Edition 72 10. 1 Oertug 1998, vertical showing the tower of the Winds. Edition 72 11. 1 Oertug 1998, horizontal showing Flying Embassy. Edition 72 Number 1, 8, 9, 10, 11 are sold out. The Ladonia Shop, State Bank and General Post Office is now open to the public. You can shop everything you need for a full Ladonian approach to life: T-shirts, pins, post-cards, stamps, books, oertugs among other things. A BAR FOR LADONIANS In the nearby village of Mlle you ccan visit the driftwood bar at the Klubbhotellet. Take a look at: www.klubbhotellet.com NEW CITY IN LADONIA? Our citizen Magnus Kenneby has suggested the uprise of a new settlement in Ladonia: I have a great plan for a suburban community without a crime-noursihing downtown. My experiences in social engieneering are few but my intentions are the best. Please contact my for further details. In accordance with generally accepted ill-behaviuor I presume that this wonderful and soforth prospering community will be named after me. Suggestions I have in mind: Kenny-Ville, Palma de las Kennebo or why not Kennepolis? NOBILITY MAIL Markis xxx (probably to be found easily as we have quite few markises) sent a postcard to his wife. This mail was handled in the normal way of domestic mail. After getting the stamps and postmark, he delivered it himself. A short travel for the letter as his wife sat beside him. I would say a perfect mail deliverance. |
Q: Doctor, what shall I do about my snoring husnband? A: If you think he soores too much, maybe you think there is more of "too much", and you would like another husband. Maybe you want a power struggle,then you could try and persuade and argument and persuade him into an operation of his soft palate. If however you love him, then tell him he will stop snoring if he stops drinking milk. Milk is not very healthy anyway. I know of cases where not drinking milk did help remarkably well, even if the husband hadn't been a milk drinker in the first place. Q: Doctor, what shall I do with jelly-fish burns? A: Provided it is a Ladonian jelly-fish, the itching pain will probably subside in 3-12 hours. If you get a nasty excema, try some herbal cortison ointment and xylocain. Q: Doctor, I am depressed. I have ruined everything. I have ruined my relationship. I don't cook anymore. What shall I do? A: I am very glad this question cropped up now. Read the end of the day text in this issue, and you see the light. Q: Doctor, my wife considers me a bore in bed. What to do? A: Make love to her with your Essence. To find out about Essence,
read the end of the day text of this Herald issue. Then ask yourself,
does your wife make love back to you with her Essence? Many times we blame
our partner for our own shortcomings. Maybe she is a bore in bed.
Maybe you actually need a new wife, or at least a mistress. But before
rushing it, find your Essences, and your sex life will improve beyond
any expectations. |
PRESIDENT ON THE LADONIAN LANGUAGE The further developement of the ladonian language can be found in this important statement from our president. The spelling of the only word can be made freely: "Concerning the spelling of "waaaaaaalll", I believe this is a word that one has to spell according to his or her state of mind. In my view, an eonatic one, there should not be a fixed spelling for our most beautiful word." waaaaaaalll Fernando Rodrigues President of Ladonia >From the minister of philosophical fisherie some interesting remarks is to be found. Whether the translation of Hamlet is boring or not is after all an open question (a part of Hamlet can be found below): "On the issue of the spelling of WA...L we are left in the dark
as we have not heard it properly pronounced, neither know
the origin of the term. However, the application of the term
as the universal Ladonian language in the translation of Shakespearian
classics makes for somewhat tedious reading and in order
to follow the plot one must have previous knowledge of the work acquired
from reading the same in some other language. One could of course encode
WA...L so that one wovel would signify a noun, two would signify a verb,
three an adjective, four an adverb, five a pronoun, six an expletive
and so forth. In that case WAAAAAAL would be the correct greeting;
the quality of which would remain uncertain in writing,
but very clear when spoken. Perhaps a linguist could be
given the task of developing the mothertongue of Ladonia in this,
the Age of Ladonian Awakening!" |
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State secretary has made the first translation of the world literature into ladonian. The translation is made on the standard word "waaaaall". Thus, it can be made different as announced by the president. But still, we have a most beuatiful piece of literature: WAAAALL WAAAALL WAAAALL HAMLET WAAAALL WAAAALL DANMARK WAAAALL I Waaaall I. Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall. Waaaall Barnardo Waaaall Francisco, waaaall waaaall. Barnardo. Waaaall waaaall? Francisco. Waaaall, waaaall waaaall. Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall. Barnardo. Waaaall waaaall Waaaall Ywonne I Jarl! Francisco. Barnardo? Barnardo. Waaaall. Francisco. Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall. Barnardo. Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall. Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall, Francisco. Francisco. Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall. Waaaall waaaall waaaall, Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall. Barnardo. Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall? Francisco. Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall. Barnardo. Waaaall, waaaall waaaall. Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall
Horatio waaaall Marcellus, Waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall,
waaaall waaaall waaaall waaaall. |
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HEAVENLY MATTERS Our most dear citizen Ward from New York has offered a story to be read and contemplated. He has got it from Edd: Saint Peter meets Mother Teresa at the gates of heaven and tells her, "You were a good woman while on earth, you lead an exemplary life, so I'm going to have you fitted for your halo right away." After a while as Mother Teresa is walking around heaven, she sees Princess Diana, and the princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Teresa finds Saint Peter and says," Saint Peter, I spent most of my life helping the poor and the sickly. Princess Di did nowhere near the amount of charitable work I did. I am not complaining, but why does she have a bigger halo?" Saint Peter replied, "Do not concern yourself with such earthly desires, my child. Besides, that is not a halo, it is a steering wheel." |
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NEVER ENDING STORY Citizen Andreas Hansen has sent us this amazing story which doesn't have an end. Readers who can add the end are welcome to write us: "Once there was a big war. And all the greatest and strongest countries in the world was participateing in it. They wanted to show the rest of the world who was the strongest of them all. But there was also this small and, in military strength, weak country named November. November was a land of peace and love. The soldiers was not big, bad killers but honest gentlemen. The women were lovely and the life in November was great. But as the war bursted through the world, no one cared about eachothers neurality. Multiple countries attacked the unprepared and peaceloving November. Chaos and destruction followed, and the men died easily as they were not trained for war, but for work in the agricultural fields. The stronger countries kept attacking until one day, when a coldblooded mercenary came to the November Goverment Palace. "I have been sent here by an man." he said to the council. "He said that I should help you." The man was dressed in dark clothes and were all dirty. His weapons were covered in dryed blood from foreign dictators and evil men. The council didnt know who the man was. But let him live in the palace for awhile. For two weeks, the man stayed in the palace. He ate, drank and had a good time. The hopitality of the November Goverment was gentle and friendly. They wanted the poor man to eat to get his health back. But what did the man mean with what he said? The peasants said that the man always went to church every seventh hour. There he would be for at least 2 hours, just sitting there. Who was this man? Then one day, when the President wanted to ask the man who he was, he was gone. His weapons were gone. But a golden cross was laying on the bed. The council didnt understand, but they didnt have time to think about it. Then suddenly, all attacks stopped. All the countries ceased their hostilities against November. Why? The diplomats said..... " |
HISTORICAL PAINTINGS Our very persistent Minister of History, Count Torby, has sent us this image which he found in the old archives. He claims it is the portrait of swedish tyranne Tommaso af den Östliga Rosen when he discovers that his people does not pay tax for beer...
The Minister of History also sent us a picture of himself at work. "Who do you really think revealed the Watergate Scandal?"
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Last time we talked about aims of life. Let's now talk about the man behind an aim. Who is that man? Who is saying "I"? The one who wants the aim, or the one who doesn't,, or - maybe somebody we didn't think of? How many could do that, how many should we consider - Well, how many times have you been deeply hurt, form the age of 1 and on? How much humiliation is stored in you? How did you deal with all that? Still sane? Well, things probably look pretty good, since you have formed a lot of protective personalities, they are the sum total of all your pains. But they only look good. Personality is a conservative agent, and it isn't for free. Every time you bought another personality, you sold something of your deeper essence. And personality never moves forward. It likes things to STAY THE WAY THEY ARE. Exactly the way power possessing individuals exert oppression. Nothing must change - O.K. we have democracy, but at the end of the day, however subtly, things should remain much the way they ever were. The same people with the same money and the same power. And who wants change? NOBODY!! It is TOO PAINFUL. Not worth the risk. Who want's make a fool of himself? Better not step outside the boundaries. And what goals of life? Whose goal anyway? My goal?? Not more - I used to, but...This is all pretty stupid. Where is the cork screw? I have some nice wine. A long time ago, ET EGO IN ARCADIA, when our State Secretary and the black 300 pound angel created the famous Disposable University, which had its sublime as well as scaring moments, one evening after a lecture the black angel was sober, and asked the professor of philosophy about BREAKTHROUGH. The professor, today the Swedish Grand Figure of Medical Ethics (something we do not need in Ladonia where thanks to the foreseeing of our Ministry of Health all medical practise is inherently good by nature), was unable to find a line of reasoning and asked the 300 pound man to give a better definition to his question. The 300 pound man, all dressed in black and sober, iterated: "BREAKTHROUGH". The professor asked again: "Please define your question...". Answer: "BREAKTHROUGH". (Silence, then again:) "Please define..." "BREAKTHROUGH" (More silence, by now you the whole audience was extremely concentrated and attentive:) "But this is impossible..." "BREAKTHROUGH" (Very long period of silence, I remember the young state secretary leaning against the mantelpiece next to the speaker's podium, looking very deep and totally motionless, the professor was already back in the first row of chairs, the black angel stood at the other side of the mantelpiece:) "BREAKTHROUGH" (Hadn't everybody fallen into this strange attentive and almost hypnotised mood, the situation would have been quite embarrassing, but fortunately no compulsory self-assertive personality needing to appear smart was there, so the most unusual spell stayed, the young state secretary became if possible even more motionless and looking even deeper, all heads in the audience seemed like caught forever on a photograph, the professor had a very serene equally motionless look, it had ceased to rain outside and moving sunspots from branches tossed by the wind danced into the room, the black angel triumphantly beaming at the mantelpiece, all energy concentrated on him:) "BREAKTHROUGH". Suddenly it happened. Something woke up in me, I tried to suppress it, but mustering courage I heared myself saying: "BREAKTHROUGH is that which you cannot know beforehand, it must happen first. Otherwise it wouldn't be BREAKTHROUGH. The black angel smiled from the bottom of his heart, and answered, graciously stretching one arm out, the one not leaning on the mantelpiece: "Exactly". Later that night, before going to bed, many of us did sit in the garden, it was almost full moon, the wind had subsided, and there was a faint beautiful smell of flowers. We sat in deep silence. One here, another there, from behind inside the manorhouse people could be faintly heared preparing their beds, and then unnoticably, I was in another mode of perception. Everything fell into place. I understood. I had no words. It was bliss. I sat on the chair, I remember how my little brother, later the Brain Minister, sat further down in the garden, how the trees screened off part of the sky, how the moon shone behind them, the beautiful ondulated dark walls of rhododendrons and other shrubbery, and I knew myself, my destiny, beyond words, but in a feeling mode I knew it, in my very first glimpse of truth. That was a rare encounter with Essence, with the real "I" and the "real world", not with one of many personality egos, of which we are told to have about 30 major ones, at least, and not with the world of "ordinary experience" which we go on planning and worrying about every day. Now, when setting up goals for our lives, the lowest possible goal would be, as said in the last end of the day text (Herald 18), to die a honourable death, that is, in your life having observed the need of finding the treasure within, the true self, through the for you proper kind of living, which will get you past your conservative shield of protective personalities. How do we find and isolate at least a few of the many personalities in ourselves? When BREAKTHORUGH occurs, then look in the spillage and ramble. When you ar truly depressed, and finally able to remove the black cloak, that's an overinflated personality. When you fail in something, then know that Essence never fails, failures are staged by personalities. Ask yourself if you need their kind of thinking. Know that your real "favourite" ideas and principles might be involved. So who am I now sending my best wishes of a continued beautiful summer to all peolpes in thge world? E. von Bock Minister of Health. |
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Vera Porad, Executive Editor
Lars Vilks, Secretary of State of Ladonia
Lars Vilks
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S-260 43 Arild
Sweden
© Copyright 1998 Lars Vilks and Arrive Inter Media
Created : 1998-08-09
