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| In this issue we are paying a visit to our president Fernando in Brazil, publishing
diplomatic letters, a letter from Bill Clinton, reporting about the
efforts in constructing the navel of the world Delfi-Ladonia. Is the world
revolving around Ladonia or is it the other way around? Anyway, Ladonia
now has more than 3 700 citizens and is constantly growing. We wish
all new citizens welcome to the Herald.
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Managing Editor: Lars Vilks
Executive Editor: Vera Porad The editors are not responsible for unrequested material sent to Ladonia Herald. We reserve the right to edit any contribution, and we take no responsibility as for incorrect use of the language (except our own). For letters, graphic material, questions, feedback, texts etc please feel free to mail us. |
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AT HOME WITH THE PRESIDENT President Fernando is living his comfortable and luxury life in Brazil, setting a good example of a husband and father. Far away from the scandalous conduct of presidents in other countries. (At least as far as we know at the moment)
The president and his wife Mari and their son João on the beach of Cabo de Santo Agostino, Brazil.
Take a closer look into the presidents family album!
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SHOOT-WALLENBERG CASE A very interesting correspondence between Ladonia Parliament and Government is taking place. The involved officials are Gorel the Priestess and minister John Parman. In our open attitude we have decided that this diplomatic affair should be made public. Read about the strange Empire of Great Potatoe: There came two messages on Ladonian Parliament's Agenda from the empire of Great Potato (skjut_wallenberg@hotmail.com). They declare a one-side recognition of Ladonia and wish to take a step towards being recognized by Ladonia. They also offer their army to come under ladonian command. I think you should come with a reaction of some kind, after following the normal precedures of recognition, of course. And, as you are also an MLP, I wonder if you could recommend to put such matters on voting in the Parliament? I must say firstly to Mister Wallenberg that there are many steps to get recognition from the Remony. Bribery is not one of them. Ladonia has no use for an army, and of course, if the army is 'imaginative', neither do you. Also, where is the Empire of the Great Potato, is it based on adoctrine that claims to deify a Great Potato, or is the nation here to purely advocatethe use of the great tuber root? I cannot say with the present information whether I could let you in, and I won't let you in becuase there is not enough information here yet to allowit. Do you have a web page, a brochure you can mail me? Perhaps anews clipping that cites your nation? What we need is some evidence that your 'nation' is not simply a bed and bath in a charming country house in Europe. We do not start relations with states of mind, but with states that work. It will be with great frustration to not allow your recognition to take place, but there is a "two week" rule that applies. You must inthe next two weeks (by October 28) send us information about your nation, or start a webpage (on geocities or another free page provider) that showcases the Empire. Best, John Parman Chief of the Foreign Service. << Dear John, The letter you got from the potato-country is even more offensive than you realized. First, it is not sent from _a_ mr Wallenberg, but the adress says "Shoot Wallenberg", one of the richest guys in Sweden. This is not a good sign. The Great Potato had the lead role in a 70ies children´s program. He was very, very mean, and kids growing upwith that show still have difficulties with potatoes. So, beware! Sincerly, Gorel the Priestess >> OK, First of all, I am in the United States. Secondly I am not kept up todate on who is and who is not the richest man or woman in Sweden. Is the founder of the Empire of the Great Potato the famed Shoot Wallenburg? Also, this Great Potato you the orize about, who was on a television show I have never seen in a country I have never been to, will he appear as an apparition and kill me? And if he does appear, will he be armed with agiantpeeler?! Humor out of the way now, I would like to start with the Empire of the Great Potato, but would like to know the following:- Is Wallenburg counted as a citizen in this nation? - How many citizens are counted in the populace? (really?) -Do you have territory? If so, where? -Do you have a website? -What kind of country are you? (as I get a letter from Gorel the High Priestess, I suspect that EGP is a theocracy) -How did the nation go about being created? * Are we an off-shoot of a Ladonian idea? Please answer soon and my mistake, the last Swedish telefilm I watched was a Swedo-Danish feature called The Kingdom 3. I have also seen Kingdom 1 and 2, they are both incredibly long but very cool. Best. John Parman Chief of Foreign Service |
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LADONIA EXCHANGE During the month the Ladonia Exchange, the WCSE (Wotan City Stock Exchange) has risen with 56% HESPER APPLE +21 (+15) OET (63) HESPER PEAR +35 (NEW) OET (45) NAVEL INC +43 (NEW) (63) SULPHUR INC +18 (+12) OET (55) VERASHOP +86 (+84) OET (198) |
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DAY OF URIEL - SEPT 26TH According to the Ladonian calender the 26th of September was an important day. A report from our minister of guardian angels: TODAY IS THE DAY OF URIEL! AND WE HAVE GOT A MESSAGE FROM OUR PROTECTOR! As normal the sun is shining this important day in Ladonia. There a son is, as any one quite easy understand, that the SUN SHINES because it then will be easier to see the light of URIEL, the Guardian Angel of Ladonia. The message Uriel will give to the Ladonian people today is, that The Navel of the World - tunnel opening in Ladonia, is now pointed out..Research have been made by man to recognice the exact point during the last two months. The place where the circular lilac energiy string from The Navel of the World in Cusco, Peru, mentioned in Ladonia Herald last month, comes to the upper world just in Ladonia, is exactly from the tunnel below the Big Stone at Håle Stenar, and from there goes straight up to the space center (and the Dep. of the Guardian Angels) - through it - and then returns again through the air to the tunnel in Cusco (Ladonian territory). Perhaps the Oracle of Ladonia will have some use for this information. To celebrate this happy event today and to make sure that the coming year will have the same protection as the last year, I, the Ministress of the Dep of the Guardian Angels, will make some offerings in my Pyramid in the Egyptian Room and send energies to the pyramidal spacecenter, 12 meters above the Big Stone. And in this way also connect to the living earth spirit. Congratulations and Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal. Countess Kicki von Hankell
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MINISTER LEANING ON HIS LIMOUSINE Our minister of entrepeneur Sandor Posvari is to be found on duty with his typical relaxed style. Mr Posvari has meant a lot to Ladonia and his efforts have greatly developed the country.
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DOUBTS ON LADONIAN KNIGHT Our most dear count Anders has had som problems with stupid foreigners who would not beieve his solemn status. We have sent our strongest confirmation in this matter. Here is count Anders letter: I've sort run into a little problem, my teachers demand "evidence" that I am the Count of Ladonia (they claim that I've stolen the title), so I wondered if you could send/mail me some "officiel" letter that prove my nobility (at least to some extend that a stupid danish teacher will be fooled) Yours sincerely Count Anders "Antra" Demant Petersen I of Ladonia Email: Anders_D_P@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Dungeon/2181 |
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ONE OF OUR NEW CITIZENS - EFRAIM STAUB 
Efraim Staub is a hungarian living in Israel. We have the pleasure of presenting the new citizen through a text he has written himself on himself and in hungarian. We have no translation and unfortunately we have no idea about the content of this probably amazing text. As we have many hungarians in Ladonia quite a few will be able to understand it.
Download the amazing text as a PDF-File . (187kb).
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LATIN AND INTERNET When you change your e-mail, your message can be written in latinas our citizen Lars Lundberg is showing: Mihi datum est aestate novum domicilium quod hoc est: (translated to Ladonian it goes: Wal Walll Waal Waaaaaaaaaaaall Waaall Waaaaaallll Waaaaaall Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall Waaaaalll Waal) |
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A miracle has appeared just behind the stone book Arx. Wild (?) pears have been found on a small tree. The strange thing is the good quality. I can't say what sort they are but they are certainly tasty. Golden apples is knownin mythology and they have been found in many places in Ladonia. But they have lost their mythological taste (or it might be that they should besour). The golden pears are probably the right strike. Citizens are welcome to eat them and thus reach the eternal life.
THE NAVEL OF LADONIA-DELFI
Where the two ravens met... As said by Count Torby, minister of history, the
new Ladonia Delfi monument should be set up at the place where two ravens
met. So has been done and Ladonia thus renewing the old oracle of Delfi
(out of order since a long time). It is expected that the oracle will be
at work with in a month. The navel is made by the Ladonian sculptor Feidias
Laidippes. His style is of course classical.
A NEW NATIONAL DISH A new natinal dish is on its way. We have already the famous and highly appreciated peregrin falcon. Count Peter is worried that there will not be falcons enough. There is, however, no reason to worry, as peregrin falconis very common in Ladonia: Jag kan köpa detta faktum att Pilgrimsfalken kan vara en god rätt att äta. Jag blir dock bekymrad om hela Nationen skall inmundiga denna fågel! Det finns icke fåglar så det räcker!! Jag anser att vi bör se till det som ligger väster om Ladonien, havet. Vår naturliga födo källa bör vara här kommen från detta ursprung, som jag finner det, Jag ber att få återkomma med något passande! Greve Peter von Holdt |
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HISTORICAL PHANTASTIQUE PICTURES We strongly recommend you to take a look at the first (and now burnt) version of Nimis from 1980. These pictures have been made available by ourgreat Lord of Nails from Båstad: |
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BILL CLINTON AND LADONIA Bill Clinton sent us a letter: To the State Secretary of Ladonia, Mr. Lars Vilks. >From the President of the United States of America, Bill Clinton HI! Heard about your interesting project in southern Sweden. (As a matter in fact, it was one of the staff members in my office who made me aware of Ladonia.) Nice concept, and a colorful contribution to the artworld. I hope to make an official visit to your state within the next months. You will hear from my staff in the coming weeks. Sinc. yours, Bill Clinton - Well we are of course jealous that our president is so well behaving ashe is; a good moral example for the youth to follow. (Though we have got some unconfirmed rumours). They have an interesting situation in the USA where politicians have to deal with real issues (such as sexual habits). In the end the USA got a president better on making love than war. Maybe he is somewhat old fashioned but still we would like to have the same fascinating news to send out all over the world finding interest everywhere. |
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CAPTAIN HILLMAN MEETS... The Hillman group are able to give us a stunning report on Captain Hillman's activities: On request from several citizens the Hillman group has worked hard and finally managed to reestablish a contact with the famous fictious detective Captain Hillman. His mission was and still is to look into the problematic links between the material sphere and the spiritual sphere. On his own statement he has met Pippi Longstocking as well as Mahatma Gandi, just to mention a few. We will return to those encounters in later reports. In the following Captain Hillman meets with one of the most famous persons of all times and this is his story in his own words. CAPTAIN HILLMAN MEETS WITH JESUS CHRIST What a luminosity, I thought, when I first observed the egg-shaped object. It moved very slowly some five metres above the ground. The object suddenly stopped and started hovering near a chestnut-tree, just some 40 metres in front of me. After a few seconds the most amazing thing happened. The egg itself started to pulsate and right above the top of the object I could see what looked like some light-bulbs which started to blink in a reddish tone. A distinct voice told me to approach the egg, and so I did. Half the way towards the object, from nowhere a man appeared right in front of me. He raised his right hand and after some considerations I did the same. Then I remember a flash of light coming from a box which the person had hanging on the belly. The next thing I remember, I was standing in front of a tall man in his early thirtiees. He smiled at me and pointed at a big screen were I could see a land shore with some magnificent constructions. They reminded me of something, but what I couldn't recall. Then the scene shifted. I found myself walking alongside the man on the shore I just saw on the screen. The man beside me was wearing a green caftan with a cloak in zinnober. He seemed friendly but I could vividly sence that he was pondering over something important. Suddenly he stopped and put his hand on my shoulder. He turned his head and looked at me with an intense vision and after a few seconds I felt I had to say something, so I asked him for his name. Again he smiled. Then he opened his mouth and started to talk but from the depth of him an extraordinary sound arose, camparable only to crystal glass hitting each other. Then the waves on the shore assumed the same sound, then the wind did the same when hitting the shore and the constructions there. The next thing I felt this bump on my forehead and I found myself sitting under the chestnut-tree. Slowly I started to remember what the man had said, the man with the crystal voice, and as the words unfolded I realized that the man had been no other than Jesus Christ. This is my recollection of his words. "One time I sat down amongst my disciples and looked out to the sea where a boat was sailing. I then pointed at the boat and spoke to them and told them a parable: Look how the boat fleets by its own efforts, Look how the wind fills the sail and moves it forward, lock also, my children, how the people shift the helm. Verily I say to you all, It is the same with the Kingdom of Heaven. The Father gave you your lifes, The Spirit moved your souls, but you shall finally by your own hand reveal what is now hidden for you." |
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INFINITE PRODUCTIVITY IN LADONIAN HEALTH CARE This is a remarkable fact until now overlooked by our excellent administration. A well known Swedish surgeon, to whom Ladonia is friendly indebted, pointed this fact out to us in a letter, which is published below. Since there have been several rumors in sway that this good doctor and his colleagues are wearing muzzles and forbidden to state in public that they aren´t allowed to have publicly expressed opinions, nor to inform about anything actually going on behind the walls between everyman´s democracy and higher democracy, we decided as for now to guard his true identity, and to refer to him as First Councellor of the Ladonian Ministry of Health, a position he has actually been offered on the spot as soon as we had read his ingenious historic letter. Background: Our intelligence states this surgeon has been frustratingly involved in the vicissitudes of another disastrous Swedish hospitals-merger, ultimately designed as always to fill the pockets of the lucky administrators of the maneuvre themselves, once they have arrived at the point of uninhibited power. For instance, allegedly according to the aforementioned intelligence service, one such hospital(s) director of new format of merging hospitals declared that: There have been so many protests so it is simply not practicable to deal with all of them, and thus he would rather go forward unblemished by favouring none and equally ignoring all. Also: We won´t save money, but rest assured there will come some other as yet undefined quality gains - Yes, yes Intelligence Service, unneccessary work - in my late grandfather´s correspondance we found this line written some time before the second war: "To (his) mind the only difference between the former mayor and the new one (was) the fact that the new one (had) not yet shot himself". Summary of the letter in English: Our future First Health Councellor writes and advices the use of modern administration theory to calculate our health care productivity. The state of health is remarkably excellent in Ladonia, as already known, all Ladonians are well. Now this has some very interesting implications, we learn. Productivity = production / resources, and by using 0 (zero) resources in the proposed formula, our productivity rapidly sets off to infinity. Our health production is reknown for its high quality, and it is indeed even infinite, as long as no one within our administration should arrive on the idea of using any kind of health promoting resources after all - God forbid, and we shall have to fire him immediately. The Councellor´s proposal follows below, verbatim (in Swedish): Hej! (Hey) - (The usual informal Swedish opening phrase of an official letter) Som hälsominister i Ladonien bör du visa politisk handlingskraft och genom dekret införa att division med 0 inom den ladoniska förvaltningen hädanefter skall ge resultatet oändlighet. Härigenom skapar man världens effektivaste sjukvård så länge man inte tillskapar några reella sjukvårdsresurser eller genom att avveckla eventuella befintliga resurser. (Resurser =0). Produktiviteten = produktion / resurs blir därmed oändlig. Den ladoniska sjukvårdsförvaltningen kan därigenom växa sig oändligt stor och fortfarande uppvisa världens effektivaste sjukvård så länge den inte tillskapar några resurser för sjukvårdsproduktion. Den blir ju oändligt effektiv genom att dess mål är att skapa en så effektiv sjukvård som möjligt. Oändlig produktion/ vilket tal som helst blir aprox= oändligheten. Därigenom så löser man alla arbetslöshetsproblem i Ladonien. Alla kan anställas i sjukvårdsförvaltningen för att göra vad som helst utom att producera sjukvård, t.ex. kvalitetssäkra den dvs kontrollera att den når det uppsatta målet och inte av misstag tillskapar några resurser för att ta om hand om sjuka, utan att förvaltningens produktivitet riskerar att sjunka. Var och en som utför en vårdande åtgärd kan avskedas därför deras arbete har sänkt produktiviteten och därigenom motarbetat arbetsgivarens intressen. Det kommer inte att bli några svårigheter att rekrytera folk till dessa arbeten eftersom det i internationella jämförelser inte finns några tjänstemän som är effektivare än de Ladoniska. Därigenom kan de ställa vilka lönekrav de vill eftersom de genom sin påvisade effektivitet kommer att vara så eftertraktade på den internationella marknaden att man för att behålla dem måste tillgodose deras lönekrav. Detta skulle dessutom kunna ge dig som minister en löneförhöjning eftersom du inte kan ligga hur lågt som helst under dina underställda tjänstemäns löner. Du har dessutom uppvisat effektivitet i ditt arbete genom att skapa denna oändliga produktion utan några investeringskostnader mer än kostnaderna för pappret på vilket dekretet nedtecknats. Det bör ju föranleda någon form av utmärkelse, hedersdoktorat, orden eller något annat, förutom ytterligare löneförhöjning. Dessutom skulle Ladonien få exportinkomster genom att exportera detta know how. Alla måste ju vara intresserade av denna fantastiska produktivitet. Man skulle för att hedra dig kunna bygga en internationell konferensanläggning i Ladonien med ditt namn,där man lär ut detta radikala administrativa grepp. Därigenom så för du ju även ett fysiskt evigt monument över din politiska gärning. Visa därför politisk handlingskraft och genom dekret tillåta division med noll och deklarera att resultatet definitionsmässigt blir oändligheten. Om du inte genomför det kommer säkert ladoniska tjänstemän inom en nära framtid att kräva det för att lätta på deras arbetsbörda och då kan du ju inte ta åt dig äran för detta politiska genidrag. Hälsningar, (signatur ) PS: Eventuellt trilskande matematiker kommer man till rätta med genom att efter svensk modell införa en lag (Antikärnkraftsprojekteringslagen), som förbjuder dem att bedriva forskning, upprätta kostnadskalkyler, bedriva projektering eller ha tankar där division med noll är förbjuden. |
| Many questions have reached our Ministry as usual, but I am afraid we must ask our expectant readers for their cooperation and patience. We have been unable to work with these questions since our secretaries refuse to open any mail, afraid to set into motion the consummation of any health care resources, thus endangering their jobs - since we must make redundant anybody using such in order to secure our infinite productivity in dividing the vizard formula by 0 (zero) resources. We recognize the serious conflict arisen and currently work on a possible solution multiplying the questions and answers by an imaginary number. A committee of our finest matematicians believe this only needs imaginary resources, and could be compatible with an infinite real productivity. We extend our sincere apologies for any inconveniences arisen until the problem has been safely solved. | ||
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Our minister of health leads us into the world of music andmeditation so suitable in these days: We are so thrilled by the idea of infinite productivity and the proposed Ladonian Conference Center for Learning how to Accomplish Infinite Healthy Production, which the surgeon counceller proposes to be named after myself, our glorious Minister of Health, also the man behind our former Ladonian House of Health - as we now understand so very fortunately washed out into the sea during a heavy winter storm a few years ago, thus enabling us to divide by 0 (zero) in the above mentioned administrations wonder formula (Productivity = Production / Resources) - in those days when the health center was lost we were actually a little sad here in Ladonia, it had been such a nice house next to wild roses on the borderline between land and sea, heaven and large boulder stones on earth, on such a magic place where extraordinary events can be expected - and little could we guess that Providence mercifully swallowed it into His Ocean in order to give us infinite health productivity, the first nation to reach this in the entire world. Infinity is our Heritage. Yesterday night I composed a Brief Thanksgiving Sonata much inspired by our new status as world leading health providers, some music to the stars, a spin-off from all this energy travelling through Ladonia today, nobody knowing whence it comes and where it goes, the sonata opens with an arpeggio in E-major already containing its own dominant in B stated with the second order dominant in F sharp, thereafter two lingering dark chords like the unfathomable deapths of the starry sky between its milling uncountable stars, then the same arpeggio again with an elastic upbeat as the foot of an Indian Celestine Maiden, so one unaccompaigned E half note, as a single brilliant gem in a black gap between dimly lucent fogs of yet more distant clouds of stars, followed by an equally mysterious weightless D, then the arpeggio again, but dimmed into a variation of a nineth chord with several roots, thereafter a short dance on clear notes, a cascade in clearest clear A-major from up high, and much slower, some closing dark chords holding long threads of time on their sharps and flats in the infinite peace of night, and a resting low E-major, as softly as the joy that permeates the whole universe from before birth of time - a night poem in a lofty castle as all the surrounding world is asleep, and in candle light, your place on earth, if you know how to love its warm spirit, and to six strings and fine wood, a guitar. Infinity is our heritage. Art is everywhere. Just take as much as you need, strech your hand out into the void, open your palm, open your eyes. No genious is required, only a child´s heart and playfulness. All is there, always. /Minister of Health, E. von Bock. |
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Vera Porad, Executive Editor
Lars Vilks, Secretary of State of Ladonia
Lars Vilks
Box 1
S-260 43 Arild
Sweden
© Copyright 1998 Lars Vilks and Arrive Inter Media
Created : 1998-10-22
