Ladonia has now more than 1200 citizens. That means that it is time for the first election. Very soon the election will start here on the net. The election will be about the constitution and there will be a number of choices. A short presentation of some alternatives will be made here:

- Pär Lindholm with his party MkP is candidating as president.

- A proposal from the Government is that Ladonia will have a monarchy lead by a queen.

- A proposal from the Minister of Health is that Ladonia will have a queen and a president in order to create a situation of female-male-principles.

This could be called a republic monarchy.

- A proposal from The Minister of Literature is that Ladonia will have a Head of State and this person would be either leptosomic or pyknic, i. e. either slim or fat. The Minister, David Stansvik, is at the same time founding a party, The Ladonian Social Democrats (Ladoniens Socialdemokratiska Parti, LSP).

- Another proposal comes from Fernando Rodrigues in Brazil:

"I would like to present my candidacy for the presidency of Ladonia. As probably the only Ladonian citizen in Brazil, I think it would be most appropriate if I could assume the political duties of Ladonia. Besides, Brazil is the country with largest biological reserve in the planet, and I think that as president of Ladonia I would be able to fight for the preservation of this all. Well, anyhow, my candidacy is now launched and it is irreversible."

(note: We have actually a few other citizens from Brazil.)

Fernando's e-mail is: fernando@uol.com.br


I hereby nominate my wife Ywonne as a candidate to hold the highest office of Ladonia.

If Ywonne will be elected this will have the following consequenses:
• Ywonne´s official title should be "dux ladoneum", (in swedish, Jarl av Ladonien, in English "Earl of Ladonia").
• The 40 acre large property of the Jarl family, Björksäter in the heart of Södermanland 60 miles SW of Stockholm, will be proclaimed as Ladonian territory.
• The Jarl´s Palace (a yellow-painted timbered farmers house of five rooms and a kitchen) will be the residence of the Earl. From her palace the Earl will reign and live and work together with her family.
• The other members of the Jarl family will hold the following titles: husband: Jarl av Björksäter ; Children: Princes and Princesses. In a genuine Aimaras spirit Ywonne will designate her youngest daughter Anna as heir to the throne.
• Ywonne will make an extremely modest request for power as The Earl of Ladonia except in her own palace.
• Politically Ywonne will advice against party politics and advocate nepotism, which involves benefits for her Ladonian relatives such as admittance to the Jarl´s Palace and appointments for significant ministerial posts.
• At any aggression against Ladonia Ywonne will advocate response on the principle of non-violence.
• Individuals such as Emmeline Pankhurst, Mahatma Ghandi, Golda Meir, Martin Luther King and last but not least Lysistrate serves as models to Ywonne´s leadership.
• Ywonne will name herself after the latter and wish to be called "Queen Lysistrate" in public.
• The Jarl´s mobile residence will once every year be taken on a tour to the main territory of Ladonia for a Early visit. This day may be the Ladonian National Day. On the agenda will be a Early dip in the sea with the Early family dressed in "the new clothing of the emperor"(see story written by H.C.Andersen), which is suggested to be the national dress of Ladonia. If everybody else joins in, the unison splash will be a hymn to the Earl.
• Ecological farming is the tradition on the Jarl Estate . Ladonian citizens are welcome to make service (as a way of paying taxes) as volonteers in the farm. (At the moment the roof of the Jarl Barn is being exchanged). Only nearly extinct old races of domestic animals will be kept at the Jarl properties. Unlike the Swedish "King´s Sheep" the Ladonian "Queen´s Sheep" are free of the troublesome Maedi Visna disease.
• The official picture of the Jarl Family will be an auto-photo of the family on vacation in the south of Sweden dressed up in the suggested Ladonian national dress.

  Ywonne has a disadvantage (but it is the only one). Despite her great knowledge of languages she is not yet versed in the Ladonian Mother tongue, but then she will not be the first queen who doesnÚt speak the language of her new homeland.

List of merits:

• Happy mother of four children.
• Skilled cook. Loves good food.
• Speaks and understands many languages.
• Homebirther.
• Homeworker for the last ten years.
• Homeschooler.
• Nudist.
• Idealist.
• Globalist.
• Generous Donor.
• Terrific Enroller.
• Overwhelming Beautiful.
• Loving.
• Powerful Leader.
• WWWWWomen.

I, Gunnar, layes no claim whatsoever to the highest office of Ladonia. I am privileged being married to my wonderful wife Ywonne and I do have to assume quite a few duties being the father of four children among my other duties to this planet being an ecologist and farmer. Furthermore I think Jarl (or Earl) is a perfect title for a Ladonian leader since it is an Icelandic rather than Swedish word meaning "a highborn, FREE human being".


- Another proposal comes from Baron Christer Edling: "I would like to register a new political party:

OPTIMATS/OPTIMATERNA

Party program

I. Constitution

1. Chief of State: a Augusta (Empress), who make all proposals.

2. Parlament: a Senate

2.1. Which makes all decisions on the imperial proposals.

2.2. All voting in the Senate is made by e-mail.

3. Members of the Senate:

3.1. Heriditary Members of Life: All Barons and Counts and their equals

3.2. Appointed Members for life: All Ministers and their equals

II. Economic Democracy

1. All factories and farms shall be owned by the people

2. Poverty is forbidden

III. Social politic

1. No one should starve in Ladonia

2. Everyone should have the right to make what ever they want

IV. Internet

1. INFORMATION WANTS TO BE FREE

2. We should declare war on People s Republic of China and Burma (what ever they call themself as they oppress their people and want to and really censure Internet."

In radio and television or in loudspeakers in aircrafts etc, you are wished not to have a good day or a pleasant evening, but rather that your pleasures will continue. It is expected that things are going good and that everyone has a great time.

You'll not be able to wish people a merry Christmas any more because that could indicate that you doubt that they already have that. "We hope that your merry Christmases will continue being extremely merry" should then be the proper formulation. Or, of course, no more wishing for a nice day: We wish that your nice day will go on being nice. And one should be careful of indicating more than that.

You can't say "I wish that your nice day will get nicer". Nothing can become nicer because everyone is experiencing at top gear and saying something in the direction of that it is not so should be very impolite.


We are very greatful to Mr Ohrt's ambition to weed out this area of rethoric good wishes.

Today everyone is having a good time all the time.

THE WALL

The Wall is to be built around Ladonia. We do not trust the Swedes and a wall will make it easier to defend the country. This is of course not to be seen as a physical and military action. Ladonian defence goes much further. We will build the wall of the most simple material, things to be found in the wood. The construction work will be started as soon as possible and volunteers are welcome.

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VERA PORAD AND THE STATE OFFICE OF GRAPHIC DESIGN

Vera Porad is State Graphical Designer. Her first work for Ladonia is very impressive. She has created Ladonia's coat of arms with the green dragon and the construction of our enormous House of Lords. Furthermore Vera will be responsible for the graphic in our renewed homepage.

SIBYLLA OF THE NORTH

Anne Oeien, citizen of Ladonia and living in Narvik in the North of Norway, sent us this beautiful remark:

"well, for starters I know for a fact that my superb intelligens could serve as an example to the population of Ladonia in their everyday life, and I have great knowledge on the subject of lifeforms from unknown galaxies... this knowledge, which is a great gift from the gods of luxury underwear, may one sad, grey day in winter when the cold snow hurts the cheeks of small children, save Ladonias people from a painful and unexpected death during alien attack. since the rest of the world doesnt appreciate my rare gift, and therefore doesnt have any desire to let me help them, Ladonia could very well one day be the ONE AND ONLY RULING COUNTRY on planet earth."

If you want to know more about Anne's rare gifts you'll find her on:
email: arctic@online.no

PETROL IN LADONIA

Martin Nilsson is managing director of the Ladonian Petrol Company (LPC). He is organizing sales of petrol at a price of 5 SEK/liter. On this price there will be tax in the ladonian way of contributing some creative elements. The release from the director reads as follows:

"I would like to sell petrol i Ladonia. If we sell it for about 5SEK/l, we will earn a lot of money! Please phone me: 08/275805"
email: t96_nin@t.kth.se

THE LONGEST NAME

The longest name known in Ladonia has our citizen 96-1027:
HANS IVAR BILL WINSTON BOMBADILL LUCIFER GRUNDSTRÖM

He offers this as a special contribution to the country. He tells us that he also likes long walks. We have no department or any state office that is working with long names, but it might be an unexplored field. We are looking forward to know more about this. How is it really to experience the world through a long name?

CURTAINS

Neither do we have a department of curtains nor any such state office. Ola Jaensson 96-1029 is willing to sew in print curtains for Ladonia. It is obvious that the deeper meaning with curtains is something that should be

the object of a serious investigation. The curtain between man and the world might pose the question "Death and Absence, who is here?". So far we can only say that we owe Mr Jaensson a lot for his initiative.

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A POEM FROM BENGT FRIMAN

Bengt Friman, 96-1046, is contributing a poem:

Ringblomman sjuder av pansarskaft
solen har stått och gått hem
domprosten vattnar med bibelsaft
postlådor fulla av slem
nattskärran viker åt pannbiffsmelass
stålgarderober av mjölk
vardagen stilla en gösblick har sänt
timmen är slagen men böjd.

English summary: The poet is constructing a scenario of the evening, surprising the reader with a overwhelming pictorial language. He envokes at the very end the fourth dimension in an einsteinian way by commenting on time: The hour beaten but bent.

More thrills are to be found on his homepage. You can e. g. watch him when he has swallowed a carbon dioxide patron. A harsh and edifying performance, probably meant as a metaphor of the spoken word.
http://home1.swipnet.se/~w-15725

BRAZILIAN AMBASSADOR

Count Humberto Saccomandi is our Brazilian ambassador. Count Humberto is living in Sao Paulo and can be reached at humberto@uol.com.br

LADONIA AND THE OLYMPIC GAMES

On this highly interesting subject our citizen Mats Elmeskog has taken the initiative to found Ladonia Olympic Kommittee (LOK). He was appointed chairman on Nov 12th:

"Jag skulle gärna vilja se över möjligheterna att förena världen ytterligare inom ramen för den olympiska rörelsen. Jag har noterat att Ladonien saknar Olympisk Kommitté.

Jag tror att Ladonien har mycket att bidraga med i IOK. Framförallt kan vi visa på ett slagkraftigt alternativ."

               /TTTTT\
         !!!! _ ! _ _ ! _ !!!!
         !!!!// (   L   )\\!!!!
          \   /  ! --- !  \   /
           !  !  \___/   !  !

Kulturpolitiskt irrbloss

Klassicistministeriet söker sin uppgift. Länge trodde vi att den orörda naturen besatt de värden som det var vår uppgift att försvara. Det var innan vi hade bekantat oss med Land Art. Över Robert Smithsons Spiral Jetty hade The Great Salt Lake den goda smaken att bredda sitt vatten. Men spiralpirens verkningar tog inte slut med att den i sitt geografiska sammanhang blev osynlig.

Parallellen är förstås given till det naturskyddade område som tidigare ingick som en del av den svenska monarkin. Detta faktum har mycket försvårat Klassicistministeriets verksamhet och gjorde länge dess m inister förlägen, eftersom utnämningen kommit från den person som i vissa kretsar gjort sig känd som naturmarodör och rättshaverist.

Men i likhet med passagen för Smithsons verk från markering till minne verkar verksamheten längs Ladoniens kust i besökarna framkalla varma och ostört naturinriktade, pastorala tankar. Vi såg här genast vår mö jlghet att lyfta fram en diskussion om eviga världens oförstörbarhet, men nöjer oss med att konstatera att aktiviteter påmarginalen fortsatt äger attraktionskraft.

Inget förstärker en profil bättre än myndigheters veklagan. Ingen position markerar sin betydelse bättre än genom en dementi: Detta är inte La doniens officiella hållning.

Kopplingen mellan vår uppgift, som vi först identifierade som bevaran det av en pastoral kultursyn, dvs en kultursyn som tar det orörda för givet och den verksamhet som sedan ett stort antal år bedrivits längs Kullens nordöstra strand och i närbelägna rättssalar, var svår att omedelbart begripa. Det är först med fridstöraren som den verkliga friden infinner sig.

Denna epistel är ett försök att påen gång bestämma ministeriets och därmedLadoniens officiella position, samtidigt som vi får en möjlighet att viftamed nödens vita flagg. Vi behöver onekligen hjälp med att slutföra Ladonien en sant klassisk kultur. Inspärrade som vi är i kulturens tröskverk finner vi inga andra utvägar än att förlägga våra förhoppningar bakom oss. Eller "Framför oss hade vi ett helt års infriade löften", som Petronius skriver.

Klassicistministeriet i Ladonien hoppas alltsåpåmer av klassisk demokrati. Det gäller att höja sin röst för den kultur man önsk ar. Dockråder politisk korrekthet i Ladonien; Vi är inte misogyna och slaveriet tar våra datorer och länkar hand om. I kampen mellan idéer råder det full jämlikhet. De tankar som i det långa loppet vinner allmänt bifall kommer klassicistministeriet att muta in åt sig.

Klassicistministeriet delar Aristoteles uppfattning att det är klädsamt för en medborgare att kunna spela ett instrument, men inte alltför väl.

Departementet delar uppfattningen att kulturen i Ladonien är en fråga om vad som ska föras vidare med antiken, dock med ett tillägg: Ladoniens medborgare röstar för den kultur de önskar se som sin genom att själva producera Ladoniens kultur.

Den Ladonska kulturen har aldrig varit homogen och talat med en mun. De stora språken, de stora religionerna och de stora politiska maktsfärerna har, var och en för sig, samverkat till det vi idag uppfattar som sammanhängande och enhetliga kulturer. Ladoniens kultur hallstämplas inteav konungar eller deras efterträdande stater. I Ladonien råder såväl religions- som kulturfrihet.

Ladoniens medborgare har ständigt möjlighet att påverka sin kultur. De gränser som upprättades och bildade mönster i ett centralistiskt 1600-tals Frankrike, mellan bildande konst (den "egentliga" konsten) och konstskicklighet ("plankstrykare"), är vad klassicistministeriet angår upphävda.

Klassicistministeriet tror inte på konsten som vetenskap eller på konstnären som vetenskapsman. Klassicistministeriet tror inte på behovet av en re/neo-renässans. Ladoniens kultur är skapad av dess medborgare och Ladoniens rikedomar består i medborgarnas bidrag till den gemensamma kulturen.

Klassicistministeriet är blint för konsten med stort K och ser konstens historia som sekvenser av bilder i komplementär relation till institutioners eller kommunikationsstarka gruppers utformade av ett konstbehov.

Klassicistministeriet ser Egyptens pyramider som uttryck för makt genom hållbarhet, antikens Akropolis som uttryck för makt genom uppfostran, medeltidens bilder som makt genom teologi. Klassicistministeriet ser i Jan van Eycks "Arnolfinis trolovning" ett äktenskapsbevis, signerat av det betalda vittnet. Den nya tiden möter oss genom privat egendom.

Från 1800-talet möter vi konsten som makt genom institutionen. En bildad borgerlighet stod för det fasta omdömet fram till 1914, dåmodernis men gjorde konsten gällande som makt genom subjektivism (mycket snart ersatt av makt genom formalism) - ett projekt påförhand dömt att misslyckas. Intrasslad i modernismens avrivna slöjor går Ladoniens kultur in i nästa millenium.

Ladonien är ett socialt rum, en mötesplats. Ladoniens kultursyn är därför social till sin karaktär. Varje människa är såmycket mer än sitt jag, däribland sin egen klassicistminister, det betyder att även asocial konst bör kunna nåsin rätta publik. Den ladonska kulturen är således sant populär och redan spridd över hela världen.

Klassicistministeriet välkomnar förslag, inklusive finansiering, till kulturaktiviteter inom och utom Ladoniens fysiska och virtuella råmär ken som är i linje med ministeriets kultursyn och som därmed kan verka för att göra Ladoniens gränslöst namnkunnigt som den ladonska kulturens hö gborg.

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MINISTRY OF ANIMAL RIGHTS

- The Minister is presenting himself here. The main part of the text is written in swedish. If you do not understand that language, please get in touch with Mr Dao: Dag Dao, dada@dada.pp.se

Minister is Dag Dao. Obsessed with the thought that human minds really exist only in a virtual reality created by animals, he has dedicated his life to educating others. Though one of his primary goals seems to be to assure that every single human knows at least as much as he does about absolutely everything possible, many years of cooperating with different animals apparently has turned him half human, half beast and half virtual.

Djurministeriet - Inriktning, arbetsformer, handlingsprogram

Inriktning

Djurministeriets främsta syfte är att säkra en trygg tillvaro för Ladonias alla djur (1). Distinktioner göres mellan

I. Bofasta djur
II. Besökande djur

Beslutsordning

I alla förhandlingar där djur är inblandade, är beslutsordningen sådan att bofasta djur alltid har både första och sista ordet, och även äger vetorätt när situationen så kräver.

Besök

Besökande djur skall alltid försäkra sig om att den tid de valt för sitt besök inte på något negativt sätt inverkar på de aktiviteter bo fasta djurkan tänkas ägna sig åt. Till exempel skall största möjliga försiktighet iakttas under de tider på året då sälar, fåglar mm vårdar och uppfostrar sina nyfödda ungar. Besökande djur som vet med sig att stora ytor kan locka fram en obetvinglig lust hos dem att aningslöst rusa omkring i Ladonias natur, bör före besöket sluta avtal med någon stabil följeslagare som i värsta fall skulle kunna åta sig att - medelst koppel eller annan anordning - fysiskt förhindra vederbörande från att göra allt för spontana och svårkontrollerade utfall mot de bofasta.

Namn

För alla djur gäller, att de själva och ingen annan väljer om de vill ha något art- och/eller tilltalsnamn. Avstår ett djur från ett eller flera namn, skall detta respekteras och inte på något sätt ifrågasättas. Likaså skall alltid djurets egna förslag på namn ges absolut företräde. Vill tex. en groda bli kallad för bofink, skall detta accepteras utan förbehåll. En mussla som påstår att dess bästa vänner alltid kallar honom för Baltasar, skall även han bemötas med största möjliga respekt.

Sociala rekommendationer

Djur behandlar andra som de själva vill bli behandlade. Djur skall aldrig behöva motivera sina handlingar, såvida inget annat djur kommit till skada. Djur väljer själva metod vid konflikthantering och -lösning. (1) Med djur avses i texten även människor där ej annat anges.

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MINISTRY OF POWER

This department is headed by Lord Max Kern. The Ministry of Power has its office at http://www.uterum.se/ladonia. Here you have the possibility to get the power you want and need. Lord Max presents his department in the following way:

"Mitt måtto/motto (hur fasen stavas det) skulle i sådana fall bli:
"makt åt alla (som vill ha det)"

Eftersom viljan till makt i stort dominerar världen och också är upphov och orsak till stora stridigheter och onödiga lidanden såskulle i varje fall Ladonien som rike kunna ta udden av detta genom att erbjuda alla den makt och position som de önskar upprätthålla - och det finns ju utrymme för hur stora och många ambitioner som helst.

Dessa grundprinciper har ju nu redan etablerats i Ladonien och jag finner det därför vara intressant och viktigt att skydda och utveckla dessa medborgerliga rättighet eller funktioner."

Short English summary: "Power to everyone (who wishes to have it). As most troubles in the world come from the need for power, this could be handled by letting everyone get the power and the position they want. Ladonia has room enough for both small and great ambitions.

Lord Max is working at "Skolans uterum". If you want to know more about this you can check the homepage: http://www.uterum.se
Mail: Max Kern, skolans@uterum.se

MINISTRY OF LOVE

"Love is a certain inborn suffering derived from the sight of and excessive meditation on the beauty of the opposite sex, which causes each one to wish above all things the embraces of the other and by common desire to carry out all of love's precept in the other's embrace." (Sir Thomas Malory, 1961)

No doubt such a department is an urgent need. The suggestion has come from Tom Wolf, presenting his department in following words:

Love: A thing that we all need during our life. It can be love to a person, love to thing or maby love for your country. The thing that matter is that you are happy with your love. Many times that is not the reality. Maby your love isnït happy or maby it is. I would love to get the chance to help u if u have a problem or take a part in your love if its happy.

Problems: I dont know what problems you have but what ever they are I allways help to talk about them. Or write a letter. Have you ever written a letter to your unhappy love that u havent dared to send??? Send one to me. I will do my best to brighten up ure life or just to listen and try to give my advice.

Me: I cant say that I am educated for this but I will sure give evry letter a try. I have allways been a person that evryone turns to when they haveprobms so I have had a LOT of practice and mostly Im successful.
U can reach me at tom_wolf@algonet.se Or u can look at my homepage under www.algonet.se/~tom_wolf and pick "teen"

MINISTRY OF CREATIVITY

Our minister is Ulla-Britt Karyd. She is chairman of the network organization "The Daughters of Europe" (read about them in previous Herald). This is of course a crucial point in Ladonia, as everything rotates around this subject. Mrs Karyd is ensuring us that this department will do its proper work by easily turning water into wine. All that is needed is a working place where creative imagination is taken place.

MINISTRY OF THE CHURCH

Here, Ingemar Nilsson from Gislaved is the minister. In the same department Johan Söderberg is head shepherd in the state office of shepherds (förste herde i herdeverket).

Mr Nilsson has decided that Ladonians should exchange one candle in the advent candlestick from white colour to green.

MINISTRY OF DEPRESSION AND IRONY

Lady Liliann is soon to take the lead in this department. She presents her qualifications being "a quite boring person with almost no imagination".

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CONCERNING DOGS AND MAILBOXES

From the minister of tourism, Helen Engwall, is emphasizing that dogowners should look after their pets in Ladonia. As now often is the case the dogs are left up on the slope while the owner takes a walk in Nimis. Dogs often in this situation bark incessantly which destroys much of the atmosphere in the capital. Other dogs run around abusing people and all this is of course no good for our tourism. Better behaviour!, says Mrs Engwall. She will also put up mailboxes for next season. These will be for mail going abroad.

RESOURCES AND ORGANIZATION IN THE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENCE

"Suggestions on Ladonien Force Unit: L F U

1-3rd. Ladonien Boarder Rangers Regiment (Rolf, Gene, Arx)
1st. Ladonien Marine Commando Regiment (Nimis)
1st. Ladonien Paratrooper Regiment (Arx)"09

Greve Henrik von Persson
Commander in chief Ladonien Force Unit

Henning Hansen is now chairman in the Committee of National Security. The working plan for this committee will be:

"The army and navy of Ladonia must be a volonteer force, any means of concription will be a violation of the founding spirit of Ladoinia Futher a national security coomity must be established , and who will organize the armed forces and be responsible for organize the defense of Ladonia (army and navy and resistance from volonteer groups and/or civilians) This coomitee should be consist of the following: The president/queen, commander of the armed forces, ministers of navy and army, representatives for all parties and repersentatives for the nobility as well as the citizens in Ladonia The current state of our struggle for independence requires this form of beeing able to respond to any threat to our freedom and independence.

If any questions contact me hennihan@sn.no or check my homepage at: http://home.sn.no/~hennihan/"

AIR-MINES

The Minister of Defence Richard Ahlqvist is further developing his defence by inventing the "air-mine". Mines will be in the air held by balloons, menacing foreign aircrafts. They can also be used as forces of attack, being sent away with fair winds.

LATIN - LADONIAN NOTIFICATION OF ILLNESS (IMPORTANT!)

This important document has been brought to us by our highly competent Olav Bakken, a major resource at the department of latin:

Ei cuius interest: Hic gravissimo morbo adficitur. Eum oportet haudquaquam laborare. Si se paulum sentiat valescere, ludere lusum Caledonium semel bisve per diem, aut re simili sine sudore operave possit perfungi. E morbo omnino convalescet, sed sibi multo temporis opus erit.

'Til den det måtte interessere: Denne pasienten er veldig syk. Han bör ikke under noen omstendigheter gå på arbeid. Hvis han föler for det, kan han spille en runde golf hver dag, eller delta i liknende lite belastende aktiviteter. Han vil bli helt frisk igjen, men det kommer til åta litt tid.'

THE MINISTER OF SOPHISTRY ON FEMINISM

As Minister of Sophistry I would like to make some sophisticated remarks.

I strongly disagree with our temporary regent Vilks' statement that the number of women in our governement is too small. On the contrary, the number is just right!

Please remember that we are talking about government here, not Noah's ark or ballroom dancing (where indeed it is desirable to have the same number of males and females). Let us not fall prey to that malignant disease the Swedes are suffering from, called "könskvotering". With young Swedes this thing is correctly named "millimeterrättvisa" and is justly frowned upon. Mature Swedes (if there is such a thing) however regard this same "millimeterrättvisa" as something desirable and progressive, not seeing that what was silly with the young is just as silly (if not more so) with the adults.

All talk of there being "male domination in Ladonia" is a remnant of Swedish (or Norwegian, wich is even worse!) atavistic thinking. Let us emancipate ourselves from such outdated stuff and boldly go forward towards a new world of Ladonian inequality, thereby -- wich is not the least virtue of such a step -- imitating Mother Nature.

I vote for monarchy, but proposing a queen just because there are too few women in Ladonia is idiotic. If we are to have a queen the queen should be a man. I propose Jean-Pierre Barda to be the Queen of Ladonia.

If Ladonia really is lacking in women, why don't we follow the example of the jolly golddiggers in "Paint your wagon" and just kidnap a bunch and set them up in a hut? Attack of Ladonia by pirates is common, why shouldn't we also cultivate the pirate virtues?

The Daughters of Europe, talking as they are about "adding more of the female principle" to our country of stone and concrete, are dragging us back into old Swedish ways. Before we know what's happening they will insist on spelling history "herstory" and country "cunt-tree".

Watch out! I fear that Satis in reality is a Trojan horse. Is every group that thinks something is "lacking" in our new country free to raise a statue as a demonstration? Is this a country or a kindergarten?

Just look at Sweden today. What it really suffers from is a lack of the masculine principle. (Please don't confuse that with the Boyish principle (pojkigt tänkande).) It lacks the strong smell of man. Observers from Finland like to point out that in Sweden not even a fart is allowed to stink! It is too embarrasing for the Swedes to admit this, but your Minister of Sophistry, being born in a far-away country where there is no fear of the musky smell of sweat, is not embarrased to speak his mind. Take warning from the bad example of Sweden.

I suggest that deodorants be forbidden within our borders. Let use of deodorants be regarded as use of drugs. (But what should be our attitude towards drugs? Alcohol and coffe, immensely popular in Sweden, should perhaps be replaced by something less artificial, like juice of Fly agaric (röd flugsvamp-jus) or chewing of resin (tugga kåda).)

And if we are to use the abbrevation PC at all, let us use it to mean Poetically Correct. Or perhaps Politically Coquette. I suggest that we institue a State Office of Poetical Correctness. A:lfr-d V:stl-nd from Grönköping has been contacted to be minister of PC. We have not received any definite answer from Grönköping, however.

The question is: Are we Ladonians, or are we Swedes? This question must be confronted, and confronted bravely. If you are a true Ladonian, stop acting like a Swedish tourist on vacation in Kullaberg! Your new country is calling to you: Beware of the old Swedish ways!

May I again remind you of my motto: Ur Sverige -- i tid. (Leave Sweden in time!) Also I would like to take this opportunity to announce the forthcoming Anti-Swedish Home page (URL to be announced later), as well as my lately chosen Latin sentence: Homo sum (which, by the way, does not mean "I am a homo").

Thank you for your attention.

Ladislaus Horatius
Minister of Sophistry

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AT THE END OF THE DAY - A WORD FROM THE MINISTER OF HEALTH

The 1986 edition of Physical Chemistry (Aktins PW, Oxford University Press) begin on page 2 with the proud words "We know that the atoms and molecules exist because we can see them". However, the statement is an assumption, it does not guarantee any truth.

On the other hand, last year I saw a ghost. And this statement is true. There is no complexity. I saw. I was walking through my village the evening of the 6th of February 1995 at 8.30 p.m. My way was illuminated by streetlights and numerous lamps of private houses, fog had been streaming in from the sea all afternoon, and suddenly I noticed somebody ahead of me in the dusk. I was startled at first because I didn´t expect to see another person on such gloomy and chilly occasion, but in a moment I became accustomed to the figure about 25 meters away. And I was gaining on him. He (or she) was dressed in a very dark if not black coat with a bonnet, and looked a bit funny, not very tall, and suddenly jumped away from the road into the shrubbery. As I was quite close at that point, I could readily establish that the shrubbery was not dense at all, it consisted of just a few sparse twigs with thorns, and the strange figure was gone, dissolved into thin air. A strong shiver went down my neck, and continued for some time. Later the fog dissipated, and the sky was covered by uncountable stars in the pitch black dome shaped sky.

When at last I stood outside the great entrance of Hagia Sofia in Istanbul, in brilliant sunshine, in the 49th year of my life, also a very strong shivering went down my neck as I walked through the gates of this marvellous cathedral, with a spacious upper gallery, where you finally become amazed by the numerous stars painted in the ceiling. Radiant stars can be found in many cathedrals.

Once in desert mountains I was offered evening coffee on a convent roof. I remember like I would still be there at this moment, or like the mountains indeed would be here, the faces of three Syrian Orthodox nuns and a little orphan girl, and the stars coming alive in the velvety heavens.

Everything is represented in ourselves, behind the armory of our heads if you will, and we live on all levels we can find. We have descended from the stars. Our world is a house with many chambers and galleries. ItB4s a cathedral. It represents what we know, but also what we do not know. All that is hidden in time. We encounter our bodies, everything we can see, what we can perceive, also our thoughts and feelings, and if we are fortunate, our great love, and maybe, if we meditate long enough on the task given by the Delfian oracle ("Know thyself"), without stopping the process with our mind´s answers in words, we will transcend this great house and all the stars of the universe to utter simplicity, where we only need to say, I love. I see. I am. The world... You love. You see. You are. We love. We see. We are. And the universe will unfold in a new way, like Paradise.