LADONIA IN THE CONFERENCE IN HELSINKI
www.muu.fi/amorph03
The 7th Amorph! performance art biennale will host the first »Summit of Micronations«. In August 2003 kings, presidents and representatives of “self made” countries will meet each other for the first time in Helsinki. The Principality of Sealand, Ladonia, NSK-State, Kingdoms of Elgaland&Vargaland, Transnational Republic and State of Sabotage have agreed to join the summit. Against the convention of international summits Amorph!03 encourages active participation of the public.
Amorph!03 is unique both as a performance art festival and a political event.
The opening ceremony of Amorph!03 will take place on August 29 in Finlandia House, which hosted the legendary CSCE (aka KSZE) conference in 1975. During the following days the micronations will open temporary embassies at Harakka island. Here the public can get detailed information about the micronations, their histories, state of affairs and policies. Some micronations will even accept applications for citizenship. During the festival the state representatives will give public lectures and host festivities. On August 30, 2003, the »State of Sabotage« will be declared accompanied by the unveiling of a monument designed by HR Giger.
Amorph!03 has additionally invited a great variety of artists and intellectuals to contribute to the festival with their works to further excavate the questions relevant to the phenomenon of micronations.
Micronations
The term “micronation” has been applied to almost anything from invented kingdoms, model states, cybertopias, libertarian oases to real existing miniature states. Each micronation attempts in its own way to create a zone of autonomy. They nevertheless differ strongly with respect to the requirements of State-hood: population, territory, government, legality, independence, sovereignty and the capacity to enter into relations with other states. Some of them even challenge the definition of statehood itself. Philippe Laserre has pointed out that ”the phenomenon of micro-nations can be located between a joke and a serious vision of the future”.
Micronations attending the Amorph!03 summit have proclaimed constitutions, established their own laws and monetary systems, and possess state symbols such as passports and flags. Some of them have reached a high degree of sovereignty over a very small territory. Others do not possess a territory at all and thereby transcend national borders operating on the same level as transnational corporations or NGOs. Simply put, both positions might begin to address the familiar contention that the nation state might be too big for small problems, and too small for big problems.
Program
Friday the 29th [Finlandia House]
13:00-17:00 Moderated round table with representatives of micronations and press.
19:00-21:00 Opening ceremony of Amorph!03 including an appearance of the micronations representatives, Mieskuoro Huutajat, Roi Vaara, Manuel Muerte and others
22:30-24:00 Concert of Laibach (NSK)
Saturday the 30th [Harakka Island]
11:00-18:00 Peter Callesen invites to his watercastle
12:00-19:00 Embassies/information offices open
12:00-18:00 Susan Kelly´s "Lobby" open
13:15-14:15 Declaration of the STATE OF SABOTAGE
14:45-15:45 First presentation TRANSNATIONAL REPUBLIC
16:15-17:15 Second presentation SEALAND
17:45-18:45 Third presentation ELGALAND&VARGALAND
19:00-21:00 Schurkenessen
Sunday the 31st [Harakka Island]
12:00-18:00 Peter Callesen invites to his watercastle
12:00-18:00 Susan Kelly´s "Lobby" open
13:00-19:00 embassies/information offices open
14:15-15:15 First presentation LADONIA
15:30-16:30 Second presentation NSK
17:30-18:30 Conclusion of Amorph!03 Summmit
19:00-20:00 ESTO TV -screening
20:00-22:00 Schurkenessen
Amorph!03 Artists
Laibach (NSK-State),
Men Choir Huutajat (Finland)
HR Giger (Switzerland)
Esto TV (Estonia)
Roi Vaara (Finland)
Schurkenessen (Germany)
Peter Callesen (Denmark)
Susan Kelly (Ireland)
Mika Hannula (Finland)
Jouni Partanen (Finland)
Taliesin Denning (UK)
Manuel Muerte (Germany)
Concept & Curating
Tellervo Kalleinen and Oliver Kochta
Production
MUU ry / Mirva Pulkkinen & Timo Soppela.
 Minister of madness showing hard dancing in the name of war. |
Ladonia at war: The campaign against Sweden is running smoothly. Great victories are reported on all parts of the frontiers. From the west the Norwegian spears have been thrown into Sweden, and then onwards, 30 meters every day, the Swedish western border as decreased by more than 1 km. The infiltration of Viagra in the drinking water of the Swedish soldiers has been very effecient, the soldiers are spread all around looking for women to abuse. Also hard dancing in order to create disorder and fright is used.
And a report from Minister Lisa:
Greetings from the Un-war/W.A.R. front in the midwest US. Good news
to report! Our mission was successful. Most of the toll booth
attendants we approached, armed only with fairy-lights and whispers
of effective labor unions, agreed to support our cause. From now on,
any and all Swedish-American or anti-Ladonian travelers will be
detained at least through lunch,(which we will provide), given
thorough "cavity" searches if they're attractive and forced at pun-
point to perform the Ladonian national anthem. That last should be
easy as we've had a lot of rain here and there are pools of water
everywhere. As titular leader of Ladonian forces in this area, I can
guaranty a steady supply of puns as long as questionable humor is
needed in this great Un-war/W.A.R.
 Hard tornado strikes in the USA battlefield |
 Jackalope ready to attack. |
10. Americans taste just like chicken.
9. Anything that slows down the production of more advertising must be a good thing.
8. Eat the rich! (CEOs make excellent soylent green, and are easy to catch).
7. NBA playoffs that pollute the television channels of the world for MONTHS!
6. McDonalds.
5. Kathy Lee Gifford, Martha Stewart, Kenneth Lay, Puff Daddy, Rush Limbaugh, Anne Colter, etc.etc.etc.
4. "Reality" television programming.
3. Fundamentalist Christians.
2. The Kyoto treaty.
1. Bush is a dangerous puppet and must be stopped!
And Lisa, Minister of Mythological Beasts gives another 10 reasons:
10. The military-industrial complex warned of by Eisenhower
9. The military-industrial junta warned of by anyone sane during the 60s
8. The self-proclaimed Christian right-wingers
7. The self proclaimed Fox News fans
6. Most of the judges appointed to the Federal Court system since the Nixon era
5. Ann Coulter
4. Microsoft
3. Major health insurance companies
2. Our current attorney general and his insane "draping" of the statue of Justice
1. A tie: Greed, arrogance, Harvard MBAs and the unpublicized use of radio-active metal in military materials*
“as Minister of Postal Services STRONGLY ADVISE AGAINST THIS CAVALIER ATTEMPT.
You are taking a foolish position, even if it is in jest.
I personally know of an individual (a singer) who once made an offhand remark against then president Lyndon Johnson and wound up in jail for 4 years, and was hounded by the FBI, CIA, and local police departments for the rest of his life until he died penniless (Oz Bach).
DO NOT PROCEED WITH THIS ILL ADVISED, FOOLISH AND DANGEROUS "WAR".
Rescind the declaration of war, or face a vote of no confidence by the ministers.
I vote NO to your declaration of War against the United States.
I urge all ministers to vote NO against a declaration of War with the United States.
It is far better to ask for a grant in aid from Uncle Sam for the arts, far more kindly to the environment and much better for your soul.
Please reconsider or you may face dire and extreme consequences.
It's not even a smart thing to joke about.”
The voting of the Ladonia cabinet was a clear “YES” to the war. But we haven’t heard anything from our minister of postal services since this letter. Has he been imprisoned by the CIA?
MORE METHODS IN THE WAR
“we can use the ice-creams. It's summer so our agents with ice-creams in cones won't be suspicious. And when some GI Joe comes near our special ops force agents, they could splash that cream in his face :-) the war will be soooo sweet for them
after summer we can use hot-dogs. Especially those with ketchup could be fine - it will look like blood (yeah I'm pretty bloodthirsty :-))))) Dracula is a big amateur compared to me :-))) and the others will be scared and will be more likely to give up their useless resistance.”
waaaaall
H.E. Miloslav Surgos
Minister of Coincidence and Destiny
Ambassador in Slovakia
 Adrian Suarez has captured Ronald McDonald |
 C-J Charpentier, Minister of Harley-Davidson Motorcycles drove with the Ladonian flag on the court yard a the castle of Christinehof |
 Minister of East Asian Affairs, Jaidie, made a successful achievement in Seoul Marathon |
 The library with phone books |
A Swede went hunting peregrin falcon in the outskirts of Ladonia one
day. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell on the Ladonian side of
the border. As the Swede crossed the fence, an elderly Ladonian came
strolling by with his walking-stick and asked him what he was doing.
The swede responded, "I shot a falcon and it fell in this clearing, and
now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old Ladonian saw that it was just a seagull, but replied, "This is
Ladonia my friend, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant swede said, "I am swede and I will hire the best trial
attorneys, if you don't let me get that bird, I'll sue you and take
everything you own."
The old Ladonian just smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how
we do things in Ladonia. We settle small disagreements like this with
the Ladonia Three-Kick Rule."
The swede asked, "What is the Ladonia 3-Kick Rule?"
The old Ladonian replied leaning on his cane, "Well, first I kick you
three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and
forth, until someone gives up."
The swede quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local
custom. The old Ladonia slowly walked up to the swede. His first kick
planted the toe of his heavy climb boot into the swede's groin and
dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose
off his face. The swede was flat on his belly when the Ladonian's third
kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The swede summoned every
bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and wimpered, "Okay, you
old coot, now it's my turn."
The old Ladonian smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the
bird."
There lives in the Ladonian Mountain Lands a fiddler. The fiddler doesn't
see herself as a fiddler. She likes to write novels. In her red little
house, overlooking the magnificient von Hartmansburg, are decorations
merrily arranged with Christmas lights and drawings made by all her lovers.
Some good, others OK, yet others not really worth pinning up on the walls.
But she simply loves drawings. She has dark golden red hair and is quite
tiny, you could easily hoist her up on one shoulder and carry her away for
miles. The reason of her living in the Ladonian Mountains is a mystery for
all, but then again, people usually ponder on the reason of the existences
of others while they tend to take their own importance for granted. That's
called to be immersed in a state of self-importance. Maybe it is not all
that bad to be immersed in that state, what's the big deal? Itseems
practical in a way. Life takes its course anyway, like the eternally
revolving sky and the constant train of changing seasons, and it feels
better being important than insignificant. Right now summer is very intense.
One day last summer the fiddler brought her violin, and walked all the way
through the woods and accross several mountains to Ladonian shoreland where
pilgrim-tourists from all over the world, especially in the summer vacation
season, spend hours of haphazard climbing in all the famous towers, the
Wotan, Double-tower, Tower of the Winds, &c. In a couple of quick strides
she climbed a big flat boulder, put her instrument under her cheek, and
pulled off Hindemith's Sonata for Solo Violin with all the tricky late
romantic altered tonic and dominant harmonies abounding with the Devil's
intervals, in front of the perplexed audience who certainly hadn't expected
neither the peculiar show, with even more peculiar Hindemith harmonies, nor
were on average very familiar with any fiddling above the folk music level
anyway; However, obediently they congregated around her tiny slim powerful
figure with fiery flying hair and most agilily bowing right arm producing
for them very strange but still hypnotizing sonorous sounds from a noble
piece of wood craftmanship. Done with the sonata, without saying much or any
further ado, she put her instrument back into its box, went down to the
waterfront, stripped naked, and threw herself into the waves. She is a very
gifted swimmer and treats the breakers with great feeling. That done as
well, to the content of her heart, she dried her supple body, limbs and bush
and charms with a green towel (some believe it was a Ladonian Flag),
dressed, and withdrew back through the woods and accross the mountains, to
her red house with merry lights and drawings of varying quality. People
visiting Ladonia resumed their haphazard climbings and picnicking and didn't
much speak about the event they had witnessed.
Summer Greetings to Peoples All over the World,
Emanuel von Bock, Minister of Health (&c.)
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Created: 2003-06-17